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Children who have brothers and sisters often have better social development than an onlychild. The government should therefore give money to parents to have two or morechildren. ’ What do you think about this proposal? v.2

Children who have brothers and sisters often have better social development than an onlychild. The government should therefore give money to parents to have two or morechildren. ’ What do you think about this proposal? v. 2
In the past, due to high levels of infant mortality and the unavailability of birth control methods, families tended to be extensive. Recently, there has been a marked reduction in the number of babies born. The percentage of children who are growing up without siblings is definitely on the rise and leading experts have suggested that this trend could be damaging. However, I find the proposal to offer a financial incentive for parents to have extra children quite frankly appalling and abhorrent. The first point worth making is that even if it could be proved that those who grow up surrounded by siblings are more mature and better adapted to society, it does not naturally follow that society would be healthier if everyone had this background. Variety is necessary in order for a culture to be harmonious and successful. Even though those from large families might have better communication skills, only children possess other abilities like determination, independence or higher levels of concentration. It is precisely the interaction of individuals with different strengths, weaknesses and character traits which makes society stronger. In addition, it could be argued that this policy would have several unfortunate consequences. Parents who only wanted one child might be attracted by the possibility of receiving a payment for a second one, resulting in unwanted and unloved babies being born. Furthermore, revenue wasted on this strategy could not be used to fight poverty or build infrastructure. Finally, childless couples may resent public funds being used to incentivise others to produce more babies. In conclusion, I see absolutely no benefits to paying parents to increase the size of their family. I would be upset if any government attempted to implement this approach. It would suggest to me that the political leaders concerned did not have a fundamental grasp of how the world works.
In the past, due to high levels of infant mortality and the unavailability of birth control

methods
, families tended to be extensive. Recently, there has been a marked reduction in

the
number of babies born. The percentage of children who are growing up
without


siblings
is
definitely on the rise and leading experts have suggested that this trend could

be
damaging.
However
, I find the proposal to offer a financial incentive for parents to

have
extra children quite
frankly
appalling and abhorrent.

The
first
point worth making is that even if it could
be proved
that those who grow up

surrounded by siblings are more mature and better adapted to society, it does not

naturally
follow that society would be healthier if everyone had this background. Variety

is
necessary in order for a culture to be harmonious and successful.
Even though
those


from large families might have better communication
skills
,
only
children possess other

abilities
like determination, independence or higher levels of concentration. It is
precisely


the interaction of individuals with
different
strengths, weaknesses and character traits

which
makes
society stronger.

In addition
, it could
be argued
that this policy would have several unfortunate

consequences
. Parents who
only
wanted one child might
be attracted
by the possibility
of


receiving a payment for a second one, resulting in unwanted and unloved babies being

born
.
Furthermore
, revenue wasted on this strategy could not be
used
to fight poverty or

build
infrastructure.
Finally
, childless couples may resent public funds being
used
to

incentivise
others to produce more babies.

In conclusion
, I
see
absolutely
no benefits to paying parents to increase the size of their

family
. I would
be upset
if any
government
attempted to implement this approach. It

would suggest to me that the political leaders concerned did not have a fundamental

grasp
of how the world works.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay Children who have brothers and sisters often have better social development than an onlychild. The government should therefore give money to parents to have two or morechildren. ’ What do you think about this proposal? v. 2

Essay
  American English
24 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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