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Some students prefer to study in their hometown while others others move to New places to complete their studies .what are the advantages and disadvantages of this notions

Some students prefer to study in their hometown while others others move to New places to complete their studies. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this notions BWK15
In this contemporary era, many learners tends to migrate to different places to accomplish their academics whilst plethora of teenagers prefer to reside with their parents instead of shifting. This essay will depict the merits and demerits of this trend. To begin, when students choose to stay at home while their studies are going on then they have opulence of time to study rather than doing hostel chores, as all this tasks are carried by their families. In addition to this, novices have their loved ones to impart their anxieties and troubles and, in return these birth givers bestow best advices to their children. On the contrary, if these growing buds shift from one place to another then, they have vast exposure of friends, education, alien places and educators. Additionally these alien places provide few responsibilities which make them self dependent. Consequently, the students grasp a lot from their parents and in second case from their surroundings. Turning towards, the disadvantages of this scenarios, firstly these primitive minds rely much on their parents and became deprived from the liberty and decision making skills. While, the other sections have autonomy but they do not have loyal advisors such as families and sometimes there companions are selfish and they drop the new comer into hurdles. For a paradigm, many times the seniors do ragging and force other students to delve into illegal and unethical activities namely drugs. Therefore, the former students are not assertive due to their dependancy on their birth givers and the latter students lack true and required suggestions. In the final revoking, although, staying with families and without families are fruitful for everyone, yet, the dangers of staying in dilemma and looking for someone to assist make students weaker and the another learners do not have true friends.
In this contemporary era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
learners tends to migrate to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to accomplish their academics whilst plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
prefer to reside with their parents
instead
of shifting. This essay will depict the merits and demerits of this trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose to stay at home while their studies are going on then they have opulence of time to study
rather
than doing hostel chores, as all
Did you mean "these"?
this
tasks
are carried
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
In addition
to this, novices have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones to impart their anxieties and troubles and, in return these birth givers
A determiner is probably missing here: "bestow the best".
bestow best
advices to their children.
On the contrary
, if these growing buds shift from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to another then, they have vast exposure of friends, education, alien
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and educators.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
these alien
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
provide few responsibilities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them self dependent.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
grasp a lot from their parents and in second case from their surroundings.

Turning towards, the disadvantages of
Did you mean "these"?
this
scenarios,
firstly
these primitive minds rely much on their parents and became
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
the liberty and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. While, the other sections have autonomy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have loyal advisors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there companions are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
selfish and
they drop the
Did you mean "newcomer"?
new comer
into hurdles. For a paradigm,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times the seniors
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go ragging".
do ragging
and force other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to delve into illegal and unethical activities
namely
drugs.
Therefore
, the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not assertive due to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependancy
on their birth givers and the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lack true and required suggestions.

In the final revoking, although, staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are fruitful for everyone,
yet
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of staying in dilemma and looking for someone to assist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
weaker and the another learners do not have true friends.
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IELTS essay Some students prefer to study in their hometown while others others move to New places to complete their studies. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this notions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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