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Materialism puts money on the high position still. Money is not the only thing people work for discuss other reason for people work

Materialism puts money on the high position still. Money is not the only thing people work for discuss other reason for people work pbr33
Nowadays, Most of the people in the world like to live in luxuries life. But, some individual are not doing jobs for earn currency because, they love to do this work as well as, expert to do that job. In this essay I am going to describe further points about working people. There are huge amount of appliances available in the world which make human life more easier and comfortable. And because of that economical growth increase day to day. However, Plenty of people are working for money because earnings made their life more luxuries. For Instance, If they have healthy income then the buy comfortable car or house or Invest to earn more etc. But, There are few reasons of people for working such as, enjoyment of job, survive of family or expert to do that work or more. Moreover, lots of human doing jobs in a different fields to gain new knowledge about that particular process of work. For example, A person in Canada working in a construction site and he had knowledge about civil engineering. Also, he doing marketing for increase a deep knowledge about it as well as, other reason is instrested to learn how to do marketing. To conclude, As going with both paragraph. There are two types of people one is only working for money and other is doing jobs for increase knowledge, enjoyment and they think it is very easy to do for them.
Nowadays, Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in luxuries life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "individuals"?
individual
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for earn currency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do this work
as well
as, expert to do that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In this essay I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
further
points about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are huge
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of appliances available in the world which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human life
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
and comfortable. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth increase day to day.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
earnings made their life more luxuries.
For Instance
, If they have healthy income then the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
comfortable car or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or Invest to earn more etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, There are few reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
such as, enjoyment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, survive of family or expert to do that work or more.
Moreover
, lots of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "field"?
fields
to gain new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about that particular process of work.
For example
, A person in Canada
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a construction
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
site and
he had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about civil engineering.
Also
, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
marketing for increase a deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about it
as well
as, other reason is
Possible spelling mistake found.
instrested
to learn how to do marketing.
To conclude
, As going with both paragraph. There are two types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
one is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for money and other is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enjoyment and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to do for them.
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IELTS essay Materialism puts money on the high position still. Money is not the only thing people work for discuss other reason for people work

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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