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Some students prefer to study for an exam alone. Others prefer to study with their classmates. What do you prefer and why? v.1

Some students prefer to study for an exam alone. Others prefer to study with their classmates. What do you prefer and why? v. 1
Some people argue that the Olympic Games do not belong to the 21st century anymore. I strongly disagree with this argument and believe that it belongs to all centuries. There are several reasons that the Olympic is not belonging to the specific century. Firstly, individuals need to do exercise on a daily basis. The occasion like Olympic demonstrate many kinds of sports, and can encourage people to choose the one that is interesting to them. For example, individuals may not be aware about the sports which are exciting and interesting to them. Secondly, the Olympic event helps to preserve many sports which are at the edge of distinct. Finally, people compete to get the highest medal in Olympic to show their talent and gain honour for their countries. Moreover, since the event holds each 4 years in different countries, the one who holds the event can gain a high amount of money which can help to develop their country apart from create job opportunity for the locals. For instance, constructing the buildings before the Olympic makes a great deal of job opportunities for local people. Different nations willing to show their talent and qualification to other countries. It is good to show their power and release their patriot filling in the events such as Olympic Games instead of confront in a direct war. Besides, the countries can share their culture and learn more about each other. Although many people believe that the Olympic occasion is not belong to the 21st century, I believe that the Olympic Games are beneficial for all people for now and future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the Olympic Games do not belong to the 21st century anymore. I
strongly
disagree with this argument and believe that it belongs to all centuries.

There are several reasons that the Olympic
The verb 'belonging' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is not belonging
to the specific century.
Firstly
, individuals need to do exercise on a daily basis. The occasion like Olympic demonstrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of sports, and can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose the one
that is
interesting to them.
For example
, individuals may not be aware about the sports which are exciting and interesting to them.
Secondly
, the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to preserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sports which are at the edge of distinct.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compete to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the highest medal in Olympic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent and gain
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
for their countries.

Moreover
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
holds each 4 years in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the one who holds the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
can gain a high amount of money which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
apart from create job opportunity for the locals.
For instance
, constructing the buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the Olympic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a great deal of job opportunities for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
nations willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent and qualification to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their power and release their patriot filling in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as Olympic Games
instead
of confront in a direct war.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can share their culture and learn more about each other.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the Olympic occasion is not
Consider using a past participle here: "belonged".
belong
to the 21st century, I believe that the Olympic Games are beneficial for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to study for an exam alone. Others prefer to study with their classmates. What do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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