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The Graph below shows the averaged results for one of the two school trials, illustrating the substantial difference in growth rate between egg chickens and meat chickens. v.1

The Graph below shows the averaged results for one of the two school trials, illustrating the substantial difference in growth rate between egg chickens and meat chickens. v. 1
Advancement of technology has created different modes of communication, where spoken one can be done through video calling and mobile phones, and the written communications through emails, texting, and chatting. In my view, the choice of communication to be used should be made depending upon the type of information to be delivered. On the one hand, all the formal information should be conveyed through written methods. For instance, a letter of job offer along with all the terms and conditions of contract should be in the written mode as it will be considered more authentic and legally accepted. Secondly, written form can be used by shy people to convey their messages and express their thoughts. To illustrate, in some circumstances, an article published in the newspaper or a book written can deliver messages with longer lasting impression than a spoken speech. Moreover, this method of conveying messages is helpful among the nations having the diversity of the population and different accents to understand the language accurately. On the other side, spoken form should be preferred in the informal messages because it is more related to expressing the feelings and facial expressions. For example, this mode should be always used by the family and friends as it will further help to strengthen the bond and harmony. To recapitulate, I opine that written communication is the best mode among transferring the formal information so mostly used in the professional fields, and spoken is preferred among families to deliver our feelings and emotions in the more elaborate ways.
Advancement of technology has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, where spoken one can
be done
through video calling and mobile phones, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
communications through emails, texting, and chatting. In my view, the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
should
be made
depending upon the type of information to
be delivered
.

On the one hand, all the formal information should
be conveyed
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
methods.
For instance
, a letter of job offer along with all the terms and conditions of contract should be in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
as it will
be considered
more authentic and
legally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
form can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by shy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to convey their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
and express their thoughts. To illustrate, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, an article published in the newspaper or a book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
can deliver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
with longer lasting impression than a spoken speech.
Moreover
, this method of conveying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
is helpful among the nations having the diversity of the population and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
accents to understand the language
accurately
.

On the other side, spoken form should
be preferred
in the informal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more related to expressing the feelings and facial expressions.
For example
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
should be always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the family and friends as it will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to strengthen the bond and harmony.

To recapitulate, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
among transferring the formal information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the professional fields, and spoken
is preferred
among families to deliver our feelings and emotions in the more elaborate ways.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The Graph below shows the averaged results for one of the two school trials, illustrating the substantial difference in growth rate between egg chickens and meat chickens. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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