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Some students like to use the library to do most of their research. Others prefer to do most of their research using the internet. Which do you prefer? v.2

Some students like to use the library to do most of their research. Others prefer to do most of their research using the internet. Which do you prefer? v. 2
INTRODUCTION- Admittedly, we are living in the world of electronic communication, which had helped us making friends cross-borders. Even though, it is much convenient to use social media, there are a number of people and I prefer to get to know the person one-to-one has more merits as it can turn up into a lifetime relationship. Having an access to the network websites and chat rooms have dissolved national boundaries. It has many merits, chiefly, people can get to know homogeneous people from various cultures and background, which tend to encourage him/her to adopt and accept versatility and diversity of the earth. Having greater insight about their customs and way of life, generates sensibility of empathy towards. To exemplify, Facebook friends, who are living internationally keeps people updated and informative, so he can become an open-minded, therefore, learn to network. Inspire of the endless plausibility of virtual world friendship, I believe the old-fashioned way of making the relationship strengthens the bond. It means, when one meets someone face-to-face, the tangible connection can be felt. Their body language, voice inflection and facial expressions add up the excitement and therefore, creates taste of trust. Take work colleagues as an example, by seeing them regularly and spending more time, one can achieve friend at work, which can make the workplace environment friendly and stress free. Moreover, by meeting personal pertains openness and clarity, as immediate feedback can be received, misunderstanding can be avoided. Thus, through transparency, long-term commitment can come into existence. There are people in the real world, who were working together and got married, aiding to generate a sense of worthiness and touch of contentment. CONCLUSION- In concluding remarks, as people can come across wearing fake masks in the virtual earth, I tend to choose the most viable way of selecting friend, on whom I can rely blindly. If people can be more authentic on social networking sites, risk of unpleasant experience can be avoided
INTRODUCTION-
Admittedly
, we are living in the world of electronic communication, which had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us
The verb ',' is used with an infinitive: "to make" or "make".
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
cross-borders.
Even though
, it is much convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media, there are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and I prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the person one-to-one has more merits as it can turn up into a lifetime relationship.

Having
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to the network websites and chat rooms have dissolved national boundaries. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits,
chiefly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know homogeneous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various cultures and background, which tend to encourage him/her to adopt and accept versatility and diversity of the earth. Having greater insight about their customs and way of life, generates sensibility of empathy towards. To exemplify, Facebook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, who are living
internationally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
updated and informative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he can become an open-minded,
therefore
, learn to network.

Inspire of the endless plausibility of virtual world friendship, I believe the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned way of making the relationship strengthens the bond. It means, when one meets someone face-to-face, the tangible connection can
be felt
. Their body language, voice inflection and facial expressions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up the excitement and
therefore
, creates taste of trust. Take work colleagues as an example, by seeing them
regularly
and spending more time, one can achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
at work, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the workplace environment friendly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free.
Moreover
, by meeting personal pertains openness and clarity, as immediate feedback can
be received
, misunderstanding can
be avoided
.
Thus
, through transparency, long-term commitment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into existence. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the real world, who were working together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married, aiding to generate a sense of worthiness and touch of contentment.

CONCLUSION- In concluding remarks, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across wearing fake masks in the virtual earth, I tend to choose the most viable way of selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, on whom I can rely
blindly
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be more authentic on social networking sites,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of unpleasant experience can be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
avoided
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some students like to use the library to do most of their research. Others prefer to do most of their research using the internet. Which do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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