Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some students choose to work or travel after finishing school before going into university. However, the experience of working is more useful preparation for adult life than traveling. Do you agree or disagree?

Some students choose to work or travel after finishing school before going into university. However, the experience of working is more useful preparation for adult life than traveling. kLPLR
Chosen working or traveling before going into university by some school leavers has become a common place in last years. While it is believed by some that working is more useful for adapting adult than traveling. I completely disagree with this for two main reasons. A deluge of merits can back this stance to take the break. The most preponderant is that students can alleviate their stress during the holiday period. For instance, students after studying for a long period, get a break to relax psychologically and physically. In addition to this, this would be the opportunity for them to travel outside the country, learn foreign culture and current market trends. So meanwhile they develop maturity and possess an enthusiasm for the university education. Hence it is apparent why students need a vacation before joining the university. The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that a young adult who passes directly from school to university is rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world. By contrast, those who have spent some time earning a living or travelling to other places have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more independent, which is a very important factor in academic study and research, as well as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of student life. In conclusion, students should have a rest, as a result, they can learn other language and they can sharing some knowledge with other people, who have enough experience in something, such as, business and IT.
Chosen working or traveling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going into university by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
has become a common place in last years. While it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that working is more useful for adapting adult than traveling. I completely disagree with this for two main reasons.

A deluge of merits can back this stance to take the break. The most preponderant is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can alleviate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
during the holiday period.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after studying for a long period,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a break to relax
psychologically
and
physically
.
In addition
to this, this would be the opportunity for them to travel outside the country, learn foreign culture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
market trends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
meanwhile they develop maturity and possess an enthusiasm for the university education.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is apparent why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need a vacation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the university.

The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that a young adult who passes
directly
from school to university is
rather
restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world. By contrast, those who have spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time earning a living or travelling to other places have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more independent, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in academic study and research,
as well
as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have a rest,
as a result
, they can learn other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
language and
they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "share"
sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience in something, such as, business and IT.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some students choose to work or travel after finishing school before going into university. However, the experience of working is more useful preparation for adult life than traveling.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5band
    benefits and drawback of business sport
    Sport is gradually becoming a business that attracts the investment of many organizations. On the positive side, it not only provides athletes with financial rewards from many sources, including remuneration and advertising sponsorship but also is a tool for companies to communicate their brands. On...
  • 5band
    Some peole think that peole purchase things their on needed. So advertise is not needed.
    A number of masses suppose that notice is not significant because all people buy the items on thier wish. But, I partialy this statement. I will discuss both views in my upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, advertisement is essential for everyone. For example, sometimes when peole want to purchase t...
  • 6.5band
    Many students choose to study in another country
    It is becoming increasingly popular for many learners to leave their own countries in order to study in other countries. There are often several debates about the fact that study abroad is an ideal opportunity, while others have different views on this issue. Both the advantages and disadvantages of...
  • 6.5band
    With the advancement in transportation and technology, food can be imported from all over the world. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
    Trade is thriving as transportation and technology advance, and numerous consumer products are transported across the globe. It has been noticed that food can be imported into many nations from various corners of the world. This tendency, like a coin with two sides, has its own set of merits and dem...
  • 5.5band
    Advantages and disadvantages of using of video games and computers
    Today, a number of human beings are using computers, even if a great deal of school children and teenagers keen on computer games. in fact in the situation has a lot of advantages and disadvantages too. In the essey, I want to explain the problem widely. Firstly, there are beneficial using internet...
  • 5.5band
    The Position of Women All Around the World
    The position of women has evaluated significantly over the past 50 years. The position of woman has changed at home, at work, at hospital and more. A numbers of women have got many rights in election, work and even at home, however, this does not mean everything goes perfect, we still know there are...





Get more results for topic:
  • Some students choose to work or travel after finishing school before going into university. However, the experience of working is more useful preparation for adult life than traveling. Do you agree or disagree?