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Some students choose not to enter the university after leaving school and go travelling. However, it is believed that gaining working experience is far more beneficial than travelling. Do you agree or disagree?

Some students choose not to enter the university after leaving school and go travelling. However, it is believed that gaining working experience is far more beneficial than travelling. G3Ade
One part of students makes a decision to have a gap year before entering university and travel. Although, it is considered that extending working proficiency is more significant than adventures. I lean towards the opinion that travelling experience is more significant than working experience, especially for the younger generation. It is a great possibility to reflect more about choosing a major and a university. Moreover, travelling can assist to extend academic connections. To begin with, choosing a profession after graduating from school is always a complicated task. In other words, frequently, students after school do not have appropriate experience to understand what they want from their own life. Therefore, a gap year provides students time to make the right decision about future life. Moreover, the youngsters can discover the world and find a new opportunity for their career, for instance, it can be a travel blogging or biological profession. On the other hand, travelling is likely to extend the number of familiar people. In other words, a student who has decided to travel after leaving school may find a teacher from another university and country that can inspire him to connect students' life with the field of this tutor. For example, one article in the popular Russian magazine was written by a student from Moscow, after school he made a decision to spend a year in Switzerland. He found a professor from the CERN, the specialist was doing research in quantum dots, and it attracted his attention. Once a year has passed, he entered a foreign University, which has a laboratory for studying this phenomenon. As a result, a gap year and travelling assisted him to find his major. In conclusion, I lean toward the opinion that having a gap year for travelling is more essential than gaining work experience.
One part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a decision to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and travel.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it
is considered
that extending working proficiency is more significant than adventures. I lean towards the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is more significant than working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
,
especially
for the younger generation. It is a great possibility to reflect more about choosing a major and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
can assist to extend academic connections.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, choosing a profession after graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is always a complicated task.
In other words
,
frequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
do not have appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to understand what they want from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right decision about future life.
Moreover
, the youngsters can discover the world and find a new opportunity for their career,
for instance
, it can be a travel blogging or biological profession.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is likely to extend the number of familiar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In other words
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who has decided to travel after leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
may find a teacher from another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and country that can inspire him to connect students' life with the field of this tutor.
For example
, one article in the popular Russian magazine
was written
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
from Moscow, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
he made a decision to spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in Switzerland. He found a professor from the CERN, the specialist was doing research in quantum dots, and it attracted his attention. Once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
has passed, he entered a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, which has a laboratory for studying this phenomenon.
As a result
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
assisted him to find his major.

In conclusion
, I lean toward the opinion that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is more essential than gaining work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
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IELTS essay Some students choose not to enter the university after leaving school and go travelling. However, it is believed that gaining working experience is far more beneficial than travelling.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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