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Some student take one year off between school and starting universities studies give advantages and disadvantages

Some student take one year off between school and starting universities studies give advantages and disadvantages RyoVP
2 comments with with the first point of view people should take one year gap and do some other activities for instance citizens should go for traveling and they learn many things by travelling most crucial thing they enjoy their life and sense relax secondly other advantage of GAP students to any job they get working experience and get more knowledge about any field thirdly basic vendor more time with their family and friends that helps them to strong their bonds. On the second hand with the other point of view students do not take one year of with studies between school and college because it effects on their studies they do not more concentrate on their studies and they do not detect comfortable one more thing is that after a gap students do not take interest in their studies because their mind is divert and under the influence of a gap their mind is distract they feel not less when they are study after one year of between finishing schools and college. To sum up study is an essential thing for everyone there are both the advantages and disadvantages of take a one year gap between their studies.
2 comments
Possible typo: you repeated a word
with with
the
first
point of view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should take one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other activities
for instance
citizens should go for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
traveling and
they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things by travelling most crucial thing they enjoy their life and sense relax
secondly
other advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GAP
students to any job they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
working experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge about any field
thirdly
basic vendor more time with their family and friends that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to strong their bonds. On the second hand with the other point of view students do not take one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
between school and college
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
they do not more concentrate on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studies and
they do not detect comfortable one more thing is that after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
students do not take interest in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their mind is
Consider using a past participle here: "diverted".
divert
and under the influence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
their mind is
Consider using a past participle here: "distracted".
distract
they feel not less when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
after one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of between finishing schools and college. To sum up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is an essential thing for everyone there
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
both the advantages and disadvantages of take a one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
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IELTS essay Some student take one year off between school and starting universities studies give advantages and disadvantages

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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