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Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them

Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them e5ArK
While dangerous or extreme sports are gaining popularity lately, they continue to be rather controversial as the benefits are hard to quantify exactly. This essay shall discuss some of the main reasons why people engage in such sports and suggest ways in which some risks involved in such sports can be reduced. The main reason why people get engaged in extreme dangerous sports is that they get thrill out of them. They take pleasure in taking risks. They like challenging their abilities and potentials. They feel some sense of fulfilment and satisfaction when they are face to face with fears that ordinarily would have ravaged the confidence of ordinary human that might not be able to tolerate such extreme sports. Another reason for engaging in such sports is that there is a lot of fame and money involved in them. They become reknown by doing stunts on motorcycles and cars, or jumping from tall buildings. They make headlines in newspapers and TV news channels. They feel more fulfilled when their name come out in Guiness Book of Records. Once they become famous, they tend to get a lot of money also. They become household names and businesses begin to hire them for advert and products endorsement. Many stepscan be employed to reduce risks that are involved in these sports. Firstly, these sports should be done under strict supervision of experts. All safety precautions should be taken. Such sports should be performed after sufficient training and under supervision of adults. Some people suggest baning is a good solution. We all know that forbidden fruits taste sweeter and people will do such sports in hidding irregardless of measures put to outrightly ban such. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, people do such sports for fun, for money and for fame. However such sports should be performed under sufficient training and strict supervision
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
or extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are gaining popularity lately, they continue to be
rather
controversial as the benefits are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to quantify exactly. This essay shall discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
engage in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and suggest ways in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
engaged in extreme
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
thrill out of them. They take pleasure in taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. They like challenging their abilities and potentials.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
and satisfaction when they are face to face with fears that
ordinarily
would have ravaged the confidence of ordinary human that might not be able to tolerate such extreme sports.

Another reason for engaging in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fame and money involved in them. They become
Possible spelling mistake found.
reknown
by doing stunts on motorcycles and cars, or jumping from tall buildings. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
headlines in newspapers and TV news channels.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
feel more fulfilled when their name
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Guiness
Book of Records. Once they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money
also
. They become household names and businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to hire them for advert and products endorsement.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake found.
stepscan
be employed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that
are involved
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be done
under strict supervision of experts. All safety precautions should
be taken
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be performed
after sufficient training and under supervision of adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest
Possible spelling mistake found.
baning
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution. We all know that forbidden fruits taste sweeter and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will do such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
hidding
'Irregardless' is acceptable in casual and nonstandard writing at best. In formal style you should use "regardless".
irregardless
of measures put to
outrightly
ban such.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for fun, for money and for fame.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be performed
under sufficient training and strict
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
supervision

IELTS essay Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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