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some sporting events famous it is negative impact or positive give your opinion

some sporting events famous it is negative impact or positive give your opinion GM39g
Sporting events are very important activities of person’s life. But some events are more popular other than those sports events has involve a high amount of money. It is a positive trend if all events are equally important than people will not have much interest in these events To begin with sporting events is good of the country's development and player get good opportunity to show their talent in front of people. Moreover, some international events build a better understanding among countries and their relation, if players meet with players of other the country they can share their experience. Events provide chance to a new generation to build confidence, they play outside of the country, they get to know about other players technique. Furthermore, sporting events like Olympic, world cup they all are the most important events and organise after some years, but they are most popular in every the country if the world because of their values. In addition, some sports are popular because of they are dangerous, players play these game name and fame In conclusion, sporting events very important of the country development or player boost their confidence as well as names and fame
Sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
activities of person’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are more popular other than those sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
has
Use past participle here: "involved".
involve
a high amount of money. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend if all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
equally
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not have much interest in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of the country's development and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent in front of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
build a better understanding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and their relation, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
of other the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they can share their experience.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Events
provide chance to a new generation to build confidence, they play
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about other
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "players'" or "player's"?
players
technique.

Furthermore
, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like Olympic, world cup they all are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are most popular in every the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
if the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their values.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports are popular
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
play these game name and fame

In conclusion
, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
development or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
boost their confidence
as well
as names and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
fame
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IELTS essay some sporting events famous it is negative impact or positive give your opinion

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
196 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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