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SOME SHOOLS HAVE RESTRICTED MOBILE PHONES AT SCHOOLS. IS THIS POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT.?

SOME SHOOLS HAVE RESTRICTED MOBILE PHONES AT SCHOOLS. IS THIS POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT. ? keLld
Mobile phones have been an inevitably compulsory device in the rapidly developing world today. Some restrictions have been imposed by schools in handling these at the walls of academia; this, however, I believe as a positive development. Prohibiting these devices may enhance better study goals as well as increase the social relationship with classmates and friends tremendously. More details in depth will elaborate on below. Banning electronic devices such as mobile phones and smartphones will generate more spaces for students to thrive in their learning. The reason behind this is the lesser distractions through myriads of notifications, thereby concentration will be shaky. For example, Instagram or YouTube subscribers get notified whenever naval clips are being uploaded, hence the phone will continue to notify the user of each arrival if the user has set so. This means overwhelmingly misdirecting the conscious away from the classroom lesson if the students are scrolling the phone every passing moment. Therefore, restricting the electronic devices may enhance the study enabling them to achieve educational targets successfully. In terms of community integration, the restriction may facilitate as children have sufficient time to cope with them freely and joyfully because having had hundreds of friends on social media will not advantages in case of emergency as a next-door friend may be available for any cooperation essentially required. For example, the recent research unveiled that interrelationship between school friends has drastically dropped from 19th Century due to heavy publicity and utilization of phones which has buffered the entire childhood integrating deeply. As such, restriction of such tools at the sphere of school may thrive those relationships enabling energetic academic environment at school arena. To conclude, leaving them outside has offered immense growth in achieving study objectives and societal perspectives: this, meanwhile, creates a thrilled and learned generation if all schools decide to leave these behind the premises of education in the future.
Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have been an
inevitably
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
in the
rapidly
developing world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
restrictions have
been imposed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in handling these at the walls of academia; this,
however
, I believe as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. Prohibiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
may enhance better study goals
as well
as increase the social relationship with classmates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
tremendously
. More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in depth will elaborate on below.

Banning electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
such as mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and smartphones will generate more spaces for students to thrive in their learning. The reason behind this is the lesser distractions through myriads of notifications, thereby concentration will be shaky.
For example
, Instagram or YouTube subscribers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
notified whenever naval clips are
being uploaded
,
hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
will continue to notify the user of each arrival if the user has set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This means
overwhelmingly
misdirecting the conscious away from the classroom lesson if the students are scrolling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
every passing moment.
Therefore
, restricting the electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
may enhance the study enabling them to achieve educational targets
successfully
.

In terms of community integration, the restriction may facilitate as children have sufficient time to cope with them
freely
and
joyfully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having had hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on social media will not
The verb 'will' requires base form of the verb: "advantage"
advantages
in case of emergency as a
next
-door
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
may be available for any cooperation
essentially
required.
For example
, the recent research unveiled that interrelationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
has
drastically
dropped from 19th Century due to heavy publicity and utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
which has buffered the entire childhood integrating
deeply
. As such, restriction of such tools at the sphere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
may thrive those relationships enabling energetic academic environment at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
arena.

To conclude
, leaving them outside has offered immense growth in achieving study objectives and societal perspectives: this, meanwhile, creates a thrilled and learned generation if all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
these behind the premises of education in the future.
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IELTS essay SOME SHOOLS HAVE RESTRICTED MOBILE PHONES AT SCHOOLS. IS THIS POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT. ?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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