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Some schools put the most advanced students in separate classes from their peers so they can study more challenging materials. Do the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Some schools put the most advanced students in separate classes from their peers so they can study more challenging materials. Do the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
The problem of excessive weight gain and poor health has become one of the most significant problems facing humans in the 21st century. Most of the people do not take care of their health and do exercises due to their busy schedule thus in turn end up being obese. This essay will discuss the major reasons associated with this issue, before suggesting possible solutions. The main reason behind this problem is a hectic life schedule of masses. These days most organizations follow nine working hours policy and some even ask employees to do overtime during peak time. To state one personal example, my organization which is an e-commerce giant asks employees to work for 7 days without break whenever there is any sale. Due to this reason, many people do not get time to do regular exercises or yoga. Additionally, youth people are opting for less healthy diet instead of green vegetables. To illustrate, oily food is preferred by youth, which admittedly taster better, but accumulate fat in one’s body. Therefore, diet and health regime plays crucial role in one’s life. In my opinion, the best way to overcome this problem is by enforcing a law which limit maximum number of working hours for each organization and strict punishment or penalty should be imposed on employer in case of breach of such policy or law. Apart from this, good health can be attained as well as maintained by improving food habits which comprise including leafy and green vegetables in the daily diet. In conclusion, ignorance of health and bad food habits can lead to dying consequences. People must take charge of their life by controlling bad habits and opting healthy lifestyle.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of excessive weight gain and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has become one of the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
facing humans in the 21st century. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and do exercises due to their busy schedule
thus
in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being obese. This essay will discuss the major reasons associated with this issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
suggesting possible solutions.

The main reason behind this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is a hectic life schedule of masses. These days most organizations follow nine working hours policy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even ask employees to do overtime during peak time. To state one personal example, my organization which is an e-commerce giant asks employees to work for 7 days without break whenever there is any sale. Due to this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to do regular exercises or yoga.
Additionally
, youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are opting for less healthy diet
instead
of green vegetables. To illustrate, oily food
is preferred
by youth, which
admittedly
taster better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
accumulate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in one’s body.
Therefore
, diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
regime plays crucial role in one’s life.

In my opinion, the best way to overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is by enforcing a law which limit maximum number of working hours for each organization and strict punishment or penalty should
be imposed
on employer in case of breach of such policy or law. Apart from this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
can
be attained
as well
as maintained by improving food habits which comprise including leafy and green vegetables in the daily diet.

In conclusion
, ignorance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
food habits can lead to dying consequences.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take charge of their life by controlling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and opting healthy lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some schools put the most advanced students in separate classes from their peers so they can study more challenging materials. Do the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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