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Some schools are opting to save money by eliminating art classes. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some schools are opting to save money by eliminating art classes. v. 1
Teaching art in schools is considered as important as other subjects; however, nowadays myriad educational institutes are opting to get rid of art education from their curriculum so that these institutes can save some amount of money. I completely agree with this statement and will demonstrate the reasons why schools are encouraging this trend. Firstly, according to some institutes, art does not play any valuable role in a child's career so why to waste money and resources on it? According to these bodies, instead of art education, children should focus more on traditional subjects such as maths, science. Therefore, schools are cutting their budget for art teaching classes. According to research conducted by the government of India, almost 90% of primary schools are completely avoiding education in the field of art and saving the resources and money involved in this type of education. Secondly, some educational bodies believe that knowledge related to art is available on the internet and one can access that easily. Moreover, a child who has an interest in reading about art can learn outside of the school. Hence, teachers and management authorities are in favour of shutting down the art education and the finance involved in this area can be completely saved. For instance, nowadays the internet is the best source to learn more about culture and history and filled with each information related to art, so if anyone is interested to dig more into details can take the help of technology. To conclude, schools consider that art education is a waste of money and resources because it is not as crucial as other subjects are and there are a plethora of resources available to learn so one can take the advantage of it. Rahul Chavan Ankush Khurana Thanks, Piyush
Teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is considered
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as other subjects;
however
, nowadays myriad educational institutes are opting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from their curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these institutes can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and will demonstrate the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are encouraging this trend.

Firstly
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
institutes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
does not play any valuable role in a child's career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
why to waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and resources on it? According to these bodies,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, children should focus more on traditional subjects such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, science.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are cutting their budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
teaching classes. According to research conducted by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India, almost 90% of primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are completely avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and saving the resources and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
involved in this type of education.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational bodies believe that knowledge related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is available on the internet and one can access that
easily
.
Moreover
, a child who has an interest in reading about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can learn
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Hence
, teachers and management authorities are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of shutting down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the finance involved in this area can be completely saved.
For instance
, nowadays the internet is the best source to learn more about culture and history and filled with each information related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if anyone
is interested
to dig more into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
can take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not as crucial as other subjects are and there are a plethora of resources available to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one can take the advantage of it.

Rahul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chavan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ankush
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khurana


Thanks,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Piyush
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some schools are opting to save money by eliminating art classes. v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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