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some say that people working in a different job roles should get different amount of holiday time do you agree or disagree give your opinion and examples from your own experience

some say that people working in a different job roles should get different amount of holiday time give your opinion and examples from your own experience LQd8
Now days most of people doing variant job and their working days are pass with stress. Therefore holiday is essential part for those people who are always stay under burden. In this easy I will agree that, people work on the particular position, should get a different holiday time. In the last explain with example and own experience. firstly, people usually every day involved in their job work, consequently(so) they did not give priority to their family. However(but) holiday time people occupy (spend) for family. Because of more family issues and misunderstanding are there, reason is given less time. Increase work load and occur many health problem. Holiday time given to pampere their family and also take care their body. They are never missed different occasion and festival due to the few off days. They joyfully experience little bit enjoying movements on special days. people easily get rest and freshnap their mind in weekend days but that's not enough for few people who are much time anged their work. Many company and factory give special day off for their employee after complete they huge work and get Chance to relief physically and mentally. In additionally, I will share my own experience about that. I am working as employee and spend much time with my colleagues and limited time pass with my family members. simply I'm earn money but I'm not able to get happiness from family side due to the time consequence, may be holidays support to fill that sorrow. I have face many problem because off days are limited. To conclude, sometime more working days are bad influence on lifestyle. Extra holidays are essential for own self and other members.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing variant job and their working days are pass with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
is essential part for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are always
Consider using a past participle here: "staid", "stayed".
stay
under burden. In this easy I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on the particular position, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In the last
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
with example and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
every day involved in their job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
consequently
(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
) they did not give priority to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
occupy (spend) for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
issues and misunderstanding are there, reason is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load and occur
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much health", "a good deal of health".
many health
problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pampere
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
also
take care their body. They are never missed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occasion and festival due to the few off days. They
joyfully
experience
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
enjoying movements on special days.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rest and
Possible spelling mistake found.
freshnap
their mind in weekend days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that's not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake found.
anged
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and factory give special day off for their employee after complete they huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Chance to relief
physically
and mentally.

In
additionally
, I will share my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience about that. I am working as employee and spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my colleagues and limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
pass with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
simply
I'm
Consider using a past participle here: "earned".
earn
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I'm not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
happiness from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
side due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
consequence, may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
support to fill that sorrow. I have
Use past participle here: "faced".
face
Possible agreement error. The noun problem seems to be countable; consider using: "many problems".
many problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
off days
are limited
.

To conclude
, sometime more working days are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on lifestyle. Extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self and other members.
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IELTS essay some say that people working in a different job roles should get different amount of holiday time give your opinion and examples from your own experience

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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