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Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 6xmAG
A school of thoughts believed that the parents should motivate their kids to participate in several kind of mass activities in their leisure time. On the contrary side, the group of few people say that the pupils would spend their free time in their own way. The essay witnesses a through read on both the aspects with suitable illustration and leading to an appropriate conclusion. Considering the brighter side of engaging in different group task the positive outcomes are immense. To begin with, taking part in group activities can increase young children’s social abilities. Interacting with other people in the group can help children to learn team work as well as gaining a high level of confidence. For an example, to participate in activities such as football, cricket, and arts can aid them to gain required skill eventually. Another reason for supporting this trend, group activities are safe because they are always guided by a leader of the team. This helps them to be learn about manners and it could be help full for them in the upcoming times. For an example, Virat Kohli had been joining group activities since his childhood and it would help him to be a great leader of Indian cricket team.
A school of thoughts believed that the parents should motivate their kids to participate in
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "several kinds".
several kind
of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their leisure time.
On the contrary
side, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that the pupils would spend their free time in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way. The essay witnesses a
Did you mean "thorough" (accurate, exhaustive)?
through
read on both the aspects with suitable illustration and leading to an appropriate conclusion.

Considering the brighter side of engaging in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
task the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes are immense. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can increase young children’s social abilities. Interacting with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
children to learn team work
as well
as gaining a high level of confidence. For an example, to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as football, cricket, and arts can aid them to gain required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
eventually
. Another reason for supporting this trend,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always guided by a leader of the team. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to be
Consider using a past participle here: "learned", "learnt".
learn
about manners and it could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
full for them in the upcoming times. For an example,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
had been joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
since his childhood and it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him to be a great leader of Indian cricket team.
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IELTS essay Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
206 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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