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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree? v.7

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 7
It is argued by some people that art, drama and music are as crucial as learning the other subjects like maths and science at the elementary level. This essay completely agrees with that statement because arts can promote creative thinking skills and act as a relaxation tool while studying. To begin with, children tend to grasp new things very quickly at the primary level of studying. So, including the syllabus related to art and music can boost up their imaginary thinking abilities. This is to say, unlike most children, these kids may be more innovative in creating masterpieces in the form of music or a drawing. For instance, research conducted by 'The Times' states that pupils who studied art related courses at school are 20% more successful in lives than the other who just studied regular courses. Another reason is that children at school often feel intimidated with curriculum, exams and results. So, participating in drama and music can be comforting and mitigate the stress related to learning school subjects. As a result, anxiety and mental disorders like concerns can be reduced in children. For example, most education institutions today in the UK made art related classes a must in the curriculum in accordance with the 'Study Act' formed in 2010. In conclusion, learning courses related to the field of arts at school is as important as other subjects because it can lighten the stress in children and increase their innovative skills. I suggest the government impose stringent rules on the educational organisations to include arts in the study programme.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, drama and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are as crucial as learning the other subjects like
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science at the elementary level. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can promote creative thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and act as a relaxation tool while studying.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to grasp new things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
at the primary level of studying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, including the syllabus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can boost up their imaginary thinking abilities. This is to say, unlike most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, these kids may be more innovative in creating masterpieces in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or a drawing.
For instance
, research conducted by 'The Times' states that pupils who studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
courses at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are 20% more successful in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than the other who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
studied regular courses.

Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel intimidated with curriculum, exams and results.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, participating in drama and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be comforting and mitigate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
subjects.
As a result
, anxiety and mental disorders like concerns can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, most education institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
in the UK made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
classes a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
in the curriculum in accordance with the 'Study Act' formed in 2010.

In conclusion
, learning courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as other subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can lighten the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and increase their innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. I suggest the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
impose stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on the educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in the study
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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