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Some practical skills such as money management should be taught in high school. v.2

Some practical skills such as money management should be taught in high school. v. 2
High School is the high time when teenagers put their first step towards independence. If they can be educated with practical skills, it will help them enormously in facing real world challenges. Practical skills like money management can assist them in better management of their life. Some people may argue that practical skills are best learnt in real life rather than the classroom. Teenagers get fixed allowance from their parents and some do part-time jobs to fund their expenditures. Although they do not possess large sums of money, any thug can cheat them easily. For instance, many teenagers take loans to fulfil their illegal activities like drinking, drugs and smoking. They end up owing huge sums to loan sharks, without sensing the troubles ahead. If they learn practical skills like money management, they can wisely take control of their life and stay out of troubles. Some people believe practical skills cannot be taught in classrooms. As the name suggests, it can be best learnt by dealing with life. For example, if money management and risk management are taught in class, there is no guarantee that pupil can get success in life. He can be too risk averse and avoid excellent tools of money making like Share trading, betting and even government bonds. If we look at successful people like Ambanis, they did not learn practical skills in the classroom, but in real life. Highly educated Charted Accounts, engineers and clerks work under their leadership. In conclusion, teaching practical skills can alert and educate teenagers to combat the real life nuisances. However, a few things can be best learnt by experience and most successful people gained expertise by experimenting.
High School is the high time when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
put their
first
step towards independence. If they can
be educated
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
enormously
in facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
world challenges.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
can assist them in better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are best
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
rather
than the classroom.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
allowance from their parents and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do part-time jobs to fund their expenditures. Although they do not possess large sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, any thug can cheat them
easily
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
take loans to fulfil their illegal activities like drinking, drugs and smoking. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up owing huge sums to loan sharks, without sensing the troubles ahead. If they learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
, they can
wisely
take control of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and stay out of troubles.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
cannot
be taught
in classrooms. As the name suggests, it can be best
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
are taught
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, there is no guarantee that pupil can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. He can be too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
averse and avoid excellent tools of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making like Share trading, betting and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bonds. If we look at successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambanis
, they did not learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in the classroom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Highly
educated Charted Accounts, engineers and clerks work under their leadership.

In conclusion
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can alert and educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to combat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
nuisances.
However
, a few things can be best
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by experience and most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gained expertise by experimenting.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some practical skills such as money management should be taught in high school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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