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Some poeple think that teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some poeple think that teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. v. 1 mlod
Life is a mix of emotions, in which happiness is the most favorite in everyone's life. A lot of people think that teenage is the most cheerful time compared to other stages of life. On the contrary, adulthood is the happiest period for some people. In my opinion, adulthood is the time we enjoy a lot with all kind of freedom. First off, during adolescent time a lot of hormonal changes is happening in the human body consequently they become more rebellious and don't want to hear any kind of advice from elder people. They want to enjoy their life and want to explore new things and places with their peer group. At that time, they are not concerned about their future and they are dependent to their parents so not bothered about the spending of money. Nowadays due to nuclear family system, parents don't want to put responsibilities to their children, that lead to a life without responsibilities for teenagers. However, adulthood is the stage of life in which people may have responsibilities towards family, commitments in professional and personal life, by this time they may have acquired decent job to build up their carrier, which in turn provide them freedom to do whatever they like without any restrictions from elder people. So adult people can make the most of it which brings happiness to their life. Dealing with different kinds of people in various sectors bring them a level of maturity required to handle the duties. For instance, Only Adults have the right to vote and express their opinion in election for the selection national leaders. To conclude, I firmly believe that adulthood is the period of time many people enjoy their life at the most because they get all kind of independence to do and explore new things in life by undertaking their responsibilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is a mix of emotions, in which happiness is the most favorite in everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that teenage is the most cheerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
compared to other stages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
On the contrary
, adulthood is the happiest period for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, adulthood is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we enjoy a lot with all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of freedom.

First
off, during adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hormonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
is happening in the human body
consequently
they become more rebellious and don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to hear any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of advice from elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to explore new things and places with their peer group. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they are not concerned about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they are dependent to their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
not bothered about the spending of money. Nowadays due to nuclear family system, parents don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
to their children, that lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

However
, adulthood is the stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
towards family, commitments in professional and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they may have acquired decent job to build up their carrier, which in turn provide them freedom to do whatever they like without any restrictions from elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of it which brings happiness to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Dealing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various sectors bring them a level of maturity required to handle the duties.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
Adults have the right to vote and express their opinion in election for the selection national leaders.

To conclude
, I
firmly
believe that adulthood is the period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of independence to do and explore new things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by undertaking their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
.
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IELTS essay Some poeple think that teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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