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Some peopre lhink governmenl shourd bon dongerous sports, such os skydiving ond rock climbing. Do you ogree or disogree?

Some peopre lhink governmenl shourd bon dongerous sports, such os skydiving ond rock climbing. Do you ogree or disogree? rkjQp
ln recent years we have seen a considerable rise in dangerous or extreme sports. Although I do not support an outright ban on such sports, I do feel that the government should regulate such sports, so that they are played under supervision, which will minimize the risks. Those who maintain that the government should ban dangerous sports activities argue on the grounds that a government has a responsibility to protect its population. ln other words, the law should be there to prevent citizens from taking risks themselves, whether deliberately or unintentionally. These sports can be highly dangerous and sometimes life-threatening. More than that, it is not just the participants who are at risk, but spectators too can be seriously injured. lf, for example, a Formula 1 car crashes, the driver may not escape unharmed, and there is also a chance that a bouncing tire or debris may fly into the crowd. Given this level of danger, it is understandable why people call for the authorities to take action. However, banning such sports is not the answer. Instead, the government should ensure that the companies or centres, which provide the facilities for such sports should meet the required, legal safety standards. Another argument against banning is that then people would play these sports in hiding, and then they would be even more risky. After all we all know that forbidden fruits taste sweeter. A further point is that in statistical terms there is a low probability of injury in many so-called dangerous sports, and people are at greater risk carrying out everyday activities such as crossing the road or cooking a meal. With the rapid development of advanced technology and medical insurance in our society, the security system of those extreme sports is absolutely mature enough to protect people who take part in these challenging activities. To sum up, it can be said that such sports should be performed after sufficient training and under supervision of experts. Dangerous sport companies should require a license for providing such training. To lay a prohibition on such sports is not the answer. What is more, those sportsmen who excel in such sports bring name and fame to their country. They break records set by others, and when they do so, the name of their country shines in the whole world. I also believe that people should be allowed to go for whatever risk they choose. So, if someone wishes to freefall from a plane at 30, 000 feet, then he should be free to do so and it should be accepted that it is not the place of the government to dictate how they lead their lives. Not infringing citizens' freedom should be regarded as a government's priority.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
recent years we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a considerable rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
or extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Although I do not support an

outright ban on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I do feel that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should regulate such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
are played


under supervision, which will minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
maintain that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities argue on the grounds that a

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has a responsibility to protect its population.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
other words, the law should be there to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent


citizens from taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
themselves, whether
deliberately
or
unintentionally
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be
highly


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
life-threatening. More than that, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the participants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but


spectators too can be
seriously
injured.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lf
,
for example
, a Formula 1 car crashes, the driver may not escape

unharmed, and there is
also
a chance that a bouncing tire or debris may
fly
into the crowd.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this level of

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, it is understandable why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
call for the authorities to take action.

However
, banning such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not the answer.
Instead
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ensure that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or

Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, which provide the facilities for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the required, legal safety standards. Another

argument against banning is that then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in hiding, and then they would be even

more risky.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
all we all know that forbidden fruits taste sweeter.

A
further
point is that in statistical terms there is a low probability of injury in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
sports,

and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are at greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
carrying out everyday activities such as crossing the road or cooking a meal. With

the rapid development of advanced technology and medical insurance in our society, the security system of

those extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
absolutely
mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these challenging

activities.

To sum up, it can
be said
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be performed
after sufficient training and under supervision of

experts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should require a license for providing such training. To lay a prohibition on

such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not the answer.

What is more
, those sportsmen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
excel in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring name and fame to their country. They break

records set by others, and when they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the name of their country shines in the whole world. I
also
believe

that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go for whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
they choose.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if someone wishes to
Possible spelling mistake found.
freefall
from a

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
at 30, 000 feet, then he should be free to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and it should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that it is not the place of the

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to dictate how they lead their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Not infringing citizens' freedom should
be regarded
as a

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's priority.
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IELTS essay Some peopre lhink governmenl shourd bon dongerous sports, such os skydiving ond rock climbing. Do you ogree or disogree?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
454 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some peopre lhink governmenl shourd bon dongerous sports, such os skydiving ond rock climbing. Do you ogree or disogree?