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lt is generolly believed lhol educotion is of vitol importonce to the developmenl of individuors ond lhe wellbeing of sociefies. lryhot should educolion consist of lo fulfil both lhese funclions?

lt is generolly believed lhol educotion is of vitol importonce to the developmenl of individuors ond lhe wellbeing of sociefies. lryhot should educolion consist of lo fulfil both lhese funclions? bOV1W
It is indubitable that education is of great significance to the progress of people and societies. Education is a companion, which no future can depress, no crime can destroy, no enemy can alienate, and no nepotism can enslave. This essay intends to analyze what all should be there in education, so that it can uplift the societies and its people. First of all, education should impart professional knowledge. Such knowledge enables individuals to earn a livelihood. ln this way they are benefited themselves and also they can look after their families better. This leads to better societies because an educated society is a crime free society. People are self-sufficient and so do not need to go on the path of crime. Education should also teach moral values. This makes us adaptive to society. There is less violence and less crime in society if people are educated. They become more open minded and live in harmony with each other. Moral science should be a compulsory subject till high school level. Finally, today, environmental education is the need of the hour. All schools should have mandatory lessons on saving the environment. small steps can go a long way in saving energy. Energy saved is energy generated. We all have to do away with some luxuries, if we want a better tomorrow. ln conclusion, I would like to reiterate that education should have professional, physical, moral and environmental components. After all, 'Education is not the filling up of a pail but the lighting up of a fire'. A well-rounded education consisting of all the above components would benefit both the individual and the society.
It is indubitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is of great significance to the progress of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is

a companion, which no future can depress, no crime can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
, no enemy can alienate, and no nepotism

can enslave. This essay intends to analyze what all should be there in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can uplift the

societies and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should impart professional knowledge. Such knowledge enables individuals to earn a

livelihood.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
this way they
are benefited
themselves and
also
they can look after their families better. This

leads to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is a crime free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are self-sufficient and

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do not need to go on the path of crime.

Education should
also
teach moral values. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us adaptive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. There is less violence and less

crime in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are educated
. They become more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony with each

other. Moral science should be a compulsory subject till high school level.

Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the need of the hour. All schools should have mandatory lessons

on saving the environment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
small
steps can go a long way in saving energy. Energy saved is energy

generated. We all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do away with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
luxuries, if we want a better tomorrow.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
conclusion, I would like to reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should have professional, physical, moral and

environmental components.
After all
, 'Education is not the filling up of a pail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the lighting up of a fire'. A

well-rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
consisting of all the above components would benefit both the individual and the

society.
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IELTS essay lt is generolly believed lhol educotion is of vitol importonce to the developmenl of individuors ond lhe wellbeing of sociefies. lryhot should educolion consist of lo fulfil both lhese funclions?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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