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Can committers of sex crimes be rehabilitated?

Can committers of sex crimes be rehabilitated? a8Yy7
During the last decade, numerous sex cases with the severity of crimes have increases dramatically. The public often feel greatly resentful towards offenders’ behaviors. Therefore, the question is asked whether those offenders can be rehabilitated. Owing to prison’s treatment and the willingness of recidivism, sex convicts’ rehabilitation is believed to be harsh. First, unlike other criminal types, sex offenders' success rehabilitation is strongly depended on psychology, not only education. For example, a burglar may commit their crime because they lack awareness and low education. Resulting from that problem, provision of knowledge can be helpful and prevent recidivism for those criminals. The story is more complicated when it comes to sexual assault. Person who commits sex abuse may completely understand situation but they still continue their actions. To rehabilitate sex offenders, it requires special treatment program which psychology plays vital part. However, psychological treatment is costly and not every prison can afford that. Then, a suitable financial program is chosen and may be less effective. As a result, it leads to less workable rehabilitation.
During the last decade, numerous
sex
cases with the severity of crimes have increases
dramatically
. The public
often
feel
greatly
resentful towards offenders’ behaviors.
Therefore
, the question
is asked
whether those offenders can
be rehabilitated
. Owing to prison’s treatment and the willingness of recidivism,
sex
convicts’ rehabilitation
is believed
to be harsh.

First
, unlike other criminal types,
sex
offenders' success rehabilitation is
strongly
depended on psychology, not
only
education.
For example
, a burglar may commit their crime
because
they lack awareness and low education. Resulting from that problem, provision of knowledge can be helpful and
prevent
recidivism for those criminals. The story is more complicated when it
comes
to sexual assault. Person who commits
sex
abuse may completely understand situation
but
they
still
continue their actions. To rehabilitate
sex
offenders, it requires special treatment program which psychology plays vital part.
However
, psychological treatment is costly and not every prison can afford that. Then, a suitable financial program
is chosen
and may be less effective.
As a result
, it leads to less
workable
rehabilitation.
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IELTS essay Can committers of sex crimes be rehabilitated?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
173 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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