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Some peopleclaimed that earning money from culture and tradition is an effective way to promote these values. the advantages and disavantages

Some peopleclaimed that earning money from culture and tradition is an effective way to promote these values. the advantages and disavantages 9wQqw
Culture and tradition are vital elements to make a country unique and has its own feature. However, in some way, it is gradually becoming a way of earning money. Some people thought that the traditional spirit is losing because of this reason, while others claimed that earning money from culture and tradition is an effective way to promote these values. Base on my knowledge, this action can have two sides but the drawbacks outweigh the advantages. Exposing tradition and culture to earn money has lots of drawbacks that must be considered. First of all, it makes these values be more difficult to access. Traditional production should be spread through media or free trial activities so that foreigners or other locals can try and find out about it easier. For example, when a group of pupils wants to make a local culture project, but if it is too expensive to try on and give experience to it, this project can be canceled, and this affects on marketing these valuable spirits. Moreover, some people take advantage of these traditional activities to earn more benefits. As far as we can concern, to get more benefits, lots of people convert culture experiments to something more particular or stranger. Therefore, these traditional spirits, in some way, are losing by day and make misunderstanding of other countries. On the other hand, exposing the culture to earn money is an effective way to promote domestic traditional activities. For example, in some cities, the government provides social assistance to people who live on the local culture and this policy promoted lots of people to spread these customs. Therefore, if we know how to expose the tradition and culture in the right way, both the country and us will rothoughly receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
are vital elements to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a country unique and has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feature.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way, it is
gradually
becoming a way of earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
spirit is losing
because of this
reason, while others claimed that earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
is an effective way to promote these values. Base on my knowledge, this action can have two sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the drawbacks outweigh the advantages.

Exposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has lots of drawbacks that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
these values be more difficult to access.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
production should
be spread
through media or free trial activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that foreigners or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
locals can
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
find out about it easier.
For example
, when a group of pupils wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
project,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if it is too expensive to try on and give experience to it, this project can
be canceled
, and this affects on marketing these valuable spirits.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take advantage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
activities to earn more benefits. As far as we can concern, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
convert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
experiments to something more particular or stranger.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
spirits, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way, are losing by day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
misunderstanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, exposing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an effective way to promote domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
activities.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provides social assistance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and this policy promoted lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spread these customs.
Therefore
, if we know how to expose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the right way, both the country and us will
Possible spelling mistake found.
rothoughly
receive
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IELTS essay Some peopleclaimed that earning money from culture and tradition is an effective way to promote these values. the advantages and disavantages

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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