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some people worry that their kids can be affected really badly if they watch TV for hours on end.

some people worry that their kids can be affected really badly if they watch TV for hours on end. PL31g
Nowadays, television is the most common form of entertainment in many households, but watching TV many times a day will bring massive bad effects on its viewers, especially kids. However, some people worry that their kids can be affected really badly if they watch TV for hours on end. Firstly, watching TV too much will make healthy youngsters become worse. For instance, when children spend a lot of time watching television, their eyes will be short-sighted. Besides that, teenagers are the age of development of their body so watching television too much will make them skip important meals in the day. It is the reason why their body cannot grow up healthy. Secondly, spending lots of time on television will negatively affect the thinking of kids. For example, children who never go outside and play with friends the same age will never have childhood. Happiness and sorrow of them always depend on unreal characters. They will not care about anything or anyone around them. That is the reason why watching TV many times makes youngsters more insensitive. In conclusion, there are many reasons why kids spend a lot of time watching TV and of course children who spend too much time on TV will lead to too many harmful effects.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is the most common form of entertainment in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
households,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
watching TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
a day will bring massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on its viewers,
especially
kids.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worry that their kids can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
really
badly
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV for hours on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Firstly
, watching TV too much will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy youngsters become worse.
For instance
, when children spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, their eyes will be short-sighted.
Besides
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are the age of development of their body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
too much will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them skip
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
meals in the day. It is the reason why their body cannot grow up healthy.

Secondly
, spending lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
will
negatively
affect the thinking of kids.
For example
, children who never go outside and play with friends the same age will never have childhood. Happiness and sorrow of them always depend on unreal characters. They will not care about anything or anyone around them.
That is
the reason why watching TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
youngsters more insensitive.
In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why kids spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching TV and
of course
 children who spend too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on TV will lead to too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harmful effects.
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IELTS essay some people worry that their kids can be affected really badly if they watch TV for hours on end.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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