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what is problem in your family?

what is problem in your family? 7PDQk
Actually, in my family, my parents and I sometimes have problems. The most popular issue is decisions. For instance, my family discussed my future career, parents usually asked me to become a doctor but I wanted to become a business administrator. Although we had a big argument, both my parents and I chose keeping silent after. When I have free time, I always communicate with my mom about the benefits of this job and the reasons why I want to learn it. I would like to change about my behaviour and control emotions if I had argument with my parents. On the other hand, my parents should consider my choices and listen when I present about my view points.
Actually, in my family, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have problems. The most popular issue is decisions.
For instance
, my family discussed my future career,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
usually
asked me to become a doctor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I wanted to become a business administrator. Although we had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
argument, both my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and I chose
If 'chose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to keep".
keeping
silent after. When I have free time, I always communicate with my mom about the benefits of this job and the reasons why I want to learn it. I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
about my
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and control emotions if I had argument with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
On the other hand
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should consider my choices and listen when I present about my view points.

IELTS essay what is problem in your family?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
119 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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