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Some people work harder than other. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative habit?

Some people work harder than other. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative habit? ABwP3
Nowadays, the amount of some individual’s work is not balanced with others. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons for this escalating trend and I believe that this habit is completely negative. The disparity between individuals’ work can be explained by a combination of factors. The first reason is the differences between economic classes. As an example, if an individual has wealthy parents, then he will not have to work hard to earn money compared to the underprivileged who have to exert themselves so as to earn more income for better living standards and have a social standing. Moreover, a certain segment of the population is not aware of the importance of hard work. Therefore, these individuals will not pay attention to their work and avoid their responsibilities by getting others to do their work. There are two major reasons why I strongly believe such a habit has a negative impact on individuals and society. First and foremost, the differences between individuals’ amounts of work could lead to an unfair society. For example, while one individual exerts himself every day, therefore, leads to feeling exhausted, the others work less and aren’t feeling tired, therefore makes the hard-working person feels unfair and might cause depression. Additionally, the habits of not pushing themselves to the limits can cause people to be dependable and irresponsible. The habit of having others doing their work while some individuals not trying their utmost to finish all assignments can cause people many troubles in the future. The best case in point is that in the future, those who didn’t work hard have to work harder as they couldn’t do their job well probably because in the past they have people do for them.
Nowadays, the amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is not balanced with others. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons for this escalating trend and I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

The disparity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by a combination of factors. The
first
reason is the differences between economic classes. As an example, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has wealthy parents, then he will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn money compared to the underprivileged who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
exert themselves
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
earn more income for better living standards and have a social standing.
Moreover
, a certain segment of the population is not aware of the importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will not pay attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and avoid their responsibilities by getting others to do their work.

There are two major reasons why I
strongly
believe such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and society.
First
and foremost, the differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
could lead to an unfair society.
For example
, while one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
exerts himself every day,
therefore
, leads to feeling exhausted, the others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
less and aren’t feeling tired,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working person feels unfair and might cause depression.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
of not pushing themselves to the limits can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be dependable and irresponsible. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of having others doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
not trying their utmost to finish all assignments can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
troubles in the future. The best case in point is that in the future, those who didn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they couldn’t do their job well
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the past they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do for them.
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IELTS essay Some people work harder than other. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative habit?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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