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Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.9

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. v. 9
Nowadays, it is a right for people to have their own opinions. When it comes to working life, some workers would love to work for the same company for the rest of their life, on the contrary, some believe that it would be great to work with more than one organization. On the one hand, from my perspective, there are many justifications why people would like to keep working with the first company they got a job from. Firstly, it is easy for them to grow with the company and move to a higher position so they can receive a better income and services from their workplace. Moreover, working with the same organization people can improve their work performance more effectively because they do not need to adjust themselves to a new environment. On the other hand, many workers think they should experience working in many different places. Initially, the interesting things about working with different organizations are that people can meet more colleague from overseas and also learn about their cultures and traditions. Other beneficial points are that they will gain more experience from different societies, learn more about each company’s system and finally apply it to their future career. However, people should be adaptable person because when they change the job, they will need sometimes to be used in the particular workplace. From what I have mentioned above, it is up to people to choose whether they will continue to work for the same organization or stop and move to another. What is more, I believe that they both provide a unique benefit and experience to employees. However, I believe when people find the place and position that suit them the best, they will continue to work for that organization through the rest of their working life.
Nowadays, it is a right for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for the rest of their life,
on the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it would be great to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with more than one organization.

On the one hand, from my perspective, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
justifications why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a job from.
Firstly
, it is easy for them to grow with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a higher position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can receive a better income and services from their workplace.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
performance more
effectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not need to adjust themselves to a new environment.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places.
Initially
, the interesting things about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
are that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
more colleague from overseas and
also
learn about their cultures and traditions. Other beneficial points are that they will gain more experience from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
societies, learn more about each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
system and
finally
apply it to their future career.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be adaptable person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the job, they will need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the particular workplace.

From what I have mentioned above, it is up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose whether they will continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another.
What is more
, I believe that they both provide a unique benefit and experience to employees.
However
, I believe when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find the place and position that suit them the best, they will continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
through the rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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