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Some people work for the same company in their whole life. Others believe that there are more benefits changing their organisations. Discuss both views and give your opinion .

Some people work for the same company in their whole life. Others believe that there are more benefits changing their organisations. YwOK5
Most people have different view about spending their whole life working with the same company. A number of people believe that devoting their life as the same position would be more beneficial to the career, while others think that other companies may provide them better opportunities. I, personally, support the latter idea. On the one hand, the majority of people believe that dedicating a life to one particular area may create big possibilities to them. If individual works in a certain place for a long time, he or she would obtain enough knowledge and experience in their sphere. As a result these people are more promoted to a higer position. Besides that they feel more calm and relaxing when they go to a familiar place, so people prefer being in the same organisation in their entire life. On the other hand, in my opinion, changing organisation offer more benefits that including chances to staff, who do not want to stay in one position, to experience various working environments. In addition, if they work in different positions, they would be able to learn a wide range of skills and broaden their outlook and become a well- being worker, who usually need in their workplace. Furghermore, now most people are really hardworking and always look for a sense of achievement in their work, spending time for various companies with great challenges for them could satisfy this need. In conclusion, in my view, there are much more advantages of working for different companies rather than staying in one workplace.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view about spending their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
working with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that devoting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
would be more beneficial to the career, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
may provide them better opportunities. I,
personally
, support the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. On the one hand, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that dedicating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to one particular area may create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
possibilities to them. If individual works in a certain place for a long time, he or she would obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge and experience in their sphere.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more promoted to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
higer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
.
Besides
that they feel more calm and relaxing when they go to a familiar place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer being in the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
in their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
On the other hand
, in my opinion, changing
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
offer more benefits that including chances to staff, who do not want to stay in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, to experience various working environments.
In addition
, if they work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
, they would be able to learn a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and broaden their outlook and become a well- being worker, who
usually
need in their workplace.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furghermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
really
hardworking and always look for a sense of achievement in their work, spending time for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with great challenges for them could satisfy this need.
In conclusion
, in my view, there are much more advantages of working for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
rather
than staying in one workplace.
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IELTS essay Some people work for the same company in their whole life. Others believe that there are more benefits changing their organisations.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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