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parents or the government responsible for

parents or the government responsible for 8dX9P
It has been witnessed by many nations across the world that the number of overweight children is increased significantly. A section of society believes that the government is responsible for the given situations. While others think it is parents. In the given essay, I will discuss both the aforementioned issues and provide my opinion. To begin with, needless to say, fast food and genetically manufactured food are responsible for most obesity issues in society, and the ministry allows vendors to manufacture and sell the said items. For example, a report says, pre-packaged food products are responsible for the occurrence of fatal diseases such as cancer. Thus, if the ministry restrains vendors from selling these harmful products, then it is possible to mitigate the overweight issue in children. Therefore, at some point, the government is responsible for obesity in toddlers. Furthermore, nowadays, both parents are taking jobs, and working in a company leaving their child alone, and since parents could not able to look after their kid’s dietary habits, kids are eating whatever they want even if it is not hygienic. Besides, parents should not allow their child to eat outside food in the first place, rather they should make fast food at home so that it will be healthy and tasty. Thus, if parents start paying attention to their toddler’s dietary habits, then it is very easy to tackle the obesity problem. To conclude, after analyzing the above discussion, it is quite evident that both parents and the authority are accountable for the overweight issue. Therefore, it is the duty of both of them to put harmful consumable items away from kids.
It has
been witnessed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations across the world that the number of overweight children
is increased
significantly
. A section of society believes that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
situations.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
essay, I will discuss both the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
and provide my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, needless to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
genetically
manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for most obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
in society, and the ministry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
vendors to manufacture and sell the said items.
For example
, a report says,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for the occurrence of fatal diseases such as cancer.
Thus
, if the ministry restrains vendors from selling these harmful products, then it is possible to mitigate the overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
in children.
Therefore
, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for obesity in toddlers.

Furthermore
, nowadays, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are taking jobs, and working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
leaving their child alone, and since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could not able to look after their kid’s dietary habits, kids are eating whatever they want even if it is not hygienic.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their child to eat outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the
first
place,
rather
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it will be healthy and tasty.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
paying attention to their toddler’s dietary habits, then it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to tackle the obesity problem.

To conclude
, after analyzing the above discussion, it is quite evident that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the authority are accountable for the overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
Therefore
, it is the duty of both of them to put harmful consumable items away from kids.
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IELTS essay parents or the government responsible for

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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