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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. ekAB
Some of them are became good citizens later. The problem is that people who have been in prison are talk to teenagers about the crime is nothing. And some teenagers will think about them like hero. It makes crime is nothing and It is not serious at all. They still have potential of crime so It’s very dangerous for the teenager. Minority are become nice citizens later, human always make mistake. However If the mistake was too serious, and we couldn’t except it because it is too harsh. Then they should go to jail for atonement their sin and then these people to talk teenager about the crime is too dangerous. It has potential of committing other crime. It is probably effect on them. As far as I concerned, we should care about teenager not person who went to jail. And It is not proud of became nice people, It is just become normal people who they will be able to live with other citizens. We have responsibility of protecting teenager, they normally can’t distinguish which is better choice when they have to decide to do something, threfore person who talk about crime is very important to them. To sum up, It is very important to talk about crime for teenager, and teenager is future of our society. Crime is always bad and it will not be able to justified at all. So I totally disagree with the person who already committed crime and these people are talk to teenager about the dangers of committing a crime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens later. The problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been in prison are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talk
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is nothing. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about them like hero. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is nothing and It is not serious at all. They
still
have potential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
It’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.

Minority
are become
nice citizens later, human always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistake.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
If the mistake was too serious, and we couldn’t except it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is too harsh. Then they should go to jail for atonement their sin and then these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. It has potential of committing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It is
probably
effect on them.

As far as I concerned, we should care about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
not person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
went to jail. And It is not proud of became nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
become normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with other citizens. We have responsibility of protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
, they
normally
can’t distinguish which is better choice when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decide to do something,
Possible spelling mistake found.
threfore
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talk
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to them.

To sum up, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talk
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
is future of our society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and it will not be able to justified at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
totally
disagree with the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
already committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talk
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
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IELTS essay Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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