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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v.8

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 8
There is no doubt that crime rates have dramatically increased over the last few years. Some criminals managed themselves to become good human beings while their stay in prisons. One of the reasons is that they have practically seen the problems and sacrifice they had to make. Some people argue that these are the best examples of creating awareness about crimes in teenagers. However, others state that a person with a criminal background will not leave indispensable impressions on people minds. Firstly, it is the duty of government and the people to identify the aspects of crimes in teenagers. After that, there should be workshop and seminars which should highlight the consequences of committing crimes. It is also the responsibility of parents and guardian to have an eye on their children’s activities. While making little efforts, one can save many criminal activities in their surroundings. Secondly, people who were the part of immoral doings and became good citizens after prison could help teenagers in eradicating this short of sins. They have personally experienced all the suffering they had to go through after compelling crime. They know the possible reason, why and how youngsters get involved in such cruel doings. Their worlds would leave undeniable impressions on people minds and will help to eliminate crime from the society. Finally, I strongly believe that once a criminal is not always a criminal. If one has regret about his past and has changed himself should be treated like a normal human being. Furthermore, they could help teenager from remaining away crimes while telling them about their sacrifice of time, health and family.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates have
dramatically
increased over the last few years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
managed themselves to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human beings while their stay in prisons. One of the reasons is that they have
practically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the problems and sacrifice they had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that these are the best examples of creating awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
However
, others state that a person with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
background will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
indispensable impressions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
minds
.

Firstly
, it is the duty of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to identify the aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. After that, there should be workshop and seminars which should highlight the consequences of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. It is
also
the responsibility of parents and guardian to have an eye on their children’s activities. While making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
efforts, one can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities in their surroundings.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were the part of immoral doings and became
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens after prison could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in eradicating this short of sins. They have
personally
experienced all the suffering they had to go through after compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. They know the possible reason, why and how youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in such cruel doings. Their worlds would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
undeniable impressions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
minds
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to eliminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
from the society.

Finally
, I
strongly
believe that once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
is not always a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
. If one has regret about his past and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
himself should
be treated
like a normal human being.
Furthermore
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
from remaining away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
while telling them about their sacrifice of time, health and family.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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