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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v.10

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 10
It is true that imprisonment helps the offenders to develop an acceptable character in the society and family. Even though ex-offenders can teach about the consequences of crime very clearly, I am of the opinion that they are not role models for the teenagers due to various reasons. To start with, teenagers should not learn the effects of illegal activities from the ex-lawbreakers as this way of learning may cause to generate a tendency for imitating such activities in children’s minds, especially who have a lack of maturity and curiosity. Moreover, since ex-offenders have the past history of crime, they are not ideal individuals to teach the younger generation effectively. Social stigma is another factor, which means that social leaders often try to keep away the ex-prisoners from the mainstream of society owing to social status issues. Consequently, they are reinforced to engage in criminal activities repeatedly and they would also be terribly isolated. Again, each society has their own prestigious law enforcement system to promote legal awareness in children, which is more effective teaching than learning from the ex-offenders. As such, ex-prisoners are not required to guide teenagers in spite of jail life experience for a certain period of time. An ideal example would be the organisation of awareness programmes of the police department in school settings in India. In contrast, there is another line of thought that ex-prisoners are the ideal teachers to make awareness among children regarding the detrimental effects of criminal offences because they have real life exposure in such tough situations. Apart from this, these bitter lessons about punishments can create a strong influence in children, which in turn can generate an innate fear in them to involve any criminal activity. Eventually, children would deter from lawbreaking activities and they become productive citizens in future. Nevertheless, it cannot be denied that the ex-prisoners have a clear criminal background and an inner desire to perform such activities again. To conclude, despite certain advantages, ex-offenders cannot be effective mentors in teaching ill effects of offences due to many challenges.
It is true that imprisonment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the offenders to develop an acceptable character in the society and family.
Even though
ex-offenders can teach about the consequences of crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
clearly
, I am of the opinion that they are not role models for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
due to various reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should not learn the effects of illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
from the ex-lawbreakers as this way of learning may cause to generate a tendency for imitating such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
minds,
especially
who have a lack of maturity and curiosity.
Moreover
, since ex-offenders have the past history of crime, they are not ideal individuals to teach the younger generation
effectively
. Social stigma is another factor, which means that social leaders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away the ex-prisoners from the mainstream of society owing to social status issues.
Consequently
, they
are reinforced
to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
repeatedly and
they would
also
be
terribly
isolated.

Again, each society has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
prestigious law enforcement system to promote legal awareness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which is more effective teaching than learning from the ex-offenders. As such, ex-prisoners are not required to guide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
jail life experience for a certain period of time. An ideal example would be the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
of awareness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
of the police department in school settings in India.

In contrast
, there is another line of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that ex-prisoners are the ideal teachers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regarding the detrimental effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have real life exposure in such tough situations. Apart from this, these bitter lessons about punishments can create a strong influence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which in turn can generate an innate fear in them to involve any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would deter from lawbreaking
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
they become productive citizens
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Nevertheless
, it cannot
be denied
that the ex-prisoners have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
background and an inner desire to perform such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
again.

To conclude
, despite certain advantages, ex-offenders cannot be effective mentors in teaching ill effects of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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