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Some people use the internet to take advice for their medical problems rather than seeing a doctor. Do the benefits outweigh the drawback of doing this?

Some people use the internet to take advice for their medical problems rather than seeing a doctor. Do the benefits outweigh the drawback of doing this? x0Q11
In recent years, technology and social media plays an essential role in many aspects of people’s daily life. Thus, a few individuals would rather search on the internet to get advice and solutions for their illness than go to the hospital. While I accept that this method could have some advantages, I believe that there are more likely to have negative impact in this issue. On the one hand, looking for medical advice online seems to be more convenient base on the benefits of time-consuming, like people could stay at home and just need a laptop with wifi connected. Besides that, getting free advice is also a profit, people could avoid wasting money when they don’t need professional doctors examined them. However, I would argue that to some extends, the drawbacks might exceed the advantages. Even though there are many online platforms which are developed about medical education, most of them have not been written by professional healthcare doctor. Hence, there is a risk of spreading wrong medical information, and their illness may inaccuracy diagnose. Moreover, if your symtoms is significant, then seeing doctor in hospital is absolutely a good decision, because professions could give patients better way to treat and enhance their health. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential harmful impact of this searching medical online is more significant than the benefit
In recent years, technology and social media plays an essential role in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s daily life.
Thus
, a few individuals would
rather
search on the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advice and solutions for their illness than go to the hospital. While I accept that this method could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, I believe that there are more likely to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in this issue.

On the one hand, looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
advice online seems to be more convenient base on the benefits of time-consuming, like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could stay at home and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need a laptop with
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
wifi
connected.
Besides
that, getting free advice is
also
a profit,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could avoid wasting money when they don’t need professional doctors examined them.

However
, I would argue that to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extends, the drawbacks might exceed the advantages.
Even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
online platforms which
are developed
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
education, most of them have not
been written
by professional healthcare doctor.
Hence
, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of spreading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
information, and their illness may inaccuracy diagnose.
Moreover
, if your
Possible spelling mistake found.
symtoms
is significant, then seeing doctor in hospital is
absolutely
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
professions could give patients better way to treat and enhance their health.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the potential harmful impact of this searching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
online is more significant than the benefit

IELTS essay Some people use the internet to take advice for their medical problems rather than seeing a doctor. Do the benefits outweigh the drawback of doing this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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