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Do you think people in your country eat better or worse than in the past?

Do you think people in your country eat better or worse than in the past? R5mdo
In my opinion, it is obvious to see that people these days are more concerned about their diets in comparison with the previous era. That is because in the past, the population is poor and they do not have opportunities to get access to the Internet, yet nowadays, it is easy for anybody to reach useful information and provides themselves with delicious and nutritious meals. Nonetheless, in the hustling and bustling life, much more individuals are concentrate on their works and studies; that is, hardly do they have enough time to have homemade meals. In these circumstances, these people tend to eat at fast-food restaurants or convenience stores, yet these habits create detrimental effects on humans' health such as obesity, heart attacks, or high blood pressure. More severely, an abundance of food poisoning cases has been recorded owing to the preservative or additives in foods that are sold on the streets. So, I am assuming that the eating habits of some people recently are turning better compared to the past, but some are worse and they need to improve it immediately to have a healthy lifestyle.
In my opinion, it is obvious to
see
that
people
these days are more concerned about their diets
in comparison
with the previous era.
That is
because
in the past, the population is
poor and
they do not have opportunities to
get
access to the Internet,
yet
nowadays, it is easy for anybody to reach useful information and provides themselves with delicious and nutritious meals. Nonetheless, in the hustling and bustling life, much more individuals are concentrate on their works and studies;
that is
, hardly do they have
enough
time to have homemade meals. In these circumstances, these
people
tend to eat at
fast
-food restaurants or convenience stores,
yet
these habits create detrimental effects on humans' health such as obesity, heart attacks, or high blood pressure. More
severely
, an abundance of food poisoning cases has
been recorded
owing to the preservative or additives in foods that
are sold
on the streets.
So
, I am assuming that the eating habits of
some
people
recently are turning better compared to the past,
but
some
are
worse and
they need to
improve
it immediately to have a healthy lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Do you think people in your country eat better or worse than in the past?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
186 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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