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Some people trust that young people who are given pocket money every week have few issues managing money when they to be adults.

Some people trust that young people who are given pocket money every week have few issues managing money when they to be adults. BM3X5
Some people trust that young people who are given pocket money every week have few issues managing money when they to be adults. The first thing I should mention is that, In my opinion managing money is good way. this could be because this condition has a bad and good side. I agree this condition. The reason why I agree, because every people have enough money right now, that's why they are good manager money. Parents given money their children almost every day. And the adults waste money in books, mobile phones and other to their needs. Never become a problem, when people and adults good managing money. Also I suppose I should say that sometimes I disagree this condition. The reason why I disagree as I said above not everyone can manage money properly. Nowadays adults always need more monet but they waste their money bad goals. For example engaging in illegal activities or buy dangerous weapons and pyrotechnics can buy things. And I think it is bad situation our community and young people's behaviour. Sometimes they are occur variety crimes, this might be because they don't use money for the right purposes. 195 In conclusion, I recommend everyone good managing money. And young adults waste their money for the right purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trust that young
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people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every week have few issues managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when they to be adults.

The
first
thing I should mention is that, In my opinion managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a good".
good
way.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this condition has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and
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good
side. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this condition.

The reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
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people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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money
right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, that's why they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manager
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money
. Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
their children almost every day. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in books, mobile phones and other to their needs. Never become a problem, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
managing money.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
I suppose I should say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I disagree this condition.

The reason why I disagree as I said above not everyone can manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
properly
. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
always need more monet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
goals.
For example
engaging in illegal activities or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
weapons and pyrotechnics can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things. And I
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think
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation our community and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they are
Consider using a past participle here: "occurred".
occur
variety crimes, this might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the right purposes. 195

In conclusion
, I recommend everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. And young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the right
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
purposes
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IELTS essay Some people trust that young people who are given pocket money every week have few issues managing money when they to be adults.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
212 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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