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Some individuals think that children who are given pocket money weekly have less problems managing money when they grown up.

Some individuals think that children who are given pocket money weekly have less problems managing money when they grown up. KW6XN
Some individuals think that children who are given pocket money weekly have less problems managing money when they grown up. I quite agree that receiving pocket money every week is good way for learn managing money. Firstly, I believe that nowadays parents prefer to give their children weekly money. This is good for both of them. If children take money every day then they may expense a lot. When children receive a weekly money, first they plan their weekly expenses and they spend less money. If they do not plan, they may run out of money. It helps for their future life. For instance, when they get a job they receive salary monthly. And they know how to save money during the month. Secondly, some children used to get money every day and expense a lot. When they grown up they will have a lot of problems with money. They can not save money and do not know how to manage it. Parents should teach their children about it. They should practice from their childhood. It is reality that children do all those things that their parents tell them or do. So, parents should give money weekly to children for learn managing money. On the other hand, some people disagree with this opinion. They think that when children receive a lot of money or weekly money, they become haughty. They will go disco or any bad places with their friends. Their behaviour wiil be change to bad side. So, some individuals do not prefer this method. To sum up, I strongly believe that receiving weekly money is more beneficial than receiving money every day because it teaches us how to manage money during the our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun problems is countable.
less
problems managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when they grown up. I quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that receiving pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every week is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a good".
good
way for learn managing money.

Firstly
, I believe that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prefer to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for both of them. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every day then they may expense a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
first
they plan their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
expenses and
they spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If they do not plan, they may run out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for their future life.
For instance
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job they receive salary monthly. And they know how to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
during the month.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every day and expense a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
they
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "grew"?
grown
up they will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of problems with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They can not save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and do not know how to manage it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about it. They should practice from their childhood. It is reality that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do all those things that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them or do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for learn managing money.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with this opinion. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or
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weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they become haughty. They will go disco or any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
places with their friends. Their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
Possible spelling mistake found.
wiil
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals do not prefer this method.

To sum up, I
strongly
believe that receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is more beneficial than receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it teaches us how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
during
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our life" or "the life"?
the our life
.
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IELTS essay Some individuals think that children who are given pocket money weekly have less problems managing money when they grown up.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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