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some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children's

some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children's pXQwa
Nowadays, it has been said by some that punishing children would teach them the discipline. I completely disagree with this given statement and the reason of my disagreement have been explained in following paragraph. A group of people asserts that corporal punishment is the approach to being discipline among the children. However I disagree with this view. The reason of my this stance for my disagreement have been explained in following paragraph. To begin with, punishing children does not seem to be a realistic approach to bring discipline in them. first and foremost, even though it is considered as one of the ways for teaching discipline, it can be dangerous at times. To explain, punishing adolescents with physical force may injure them and that can be detrimental for their physical health. Apart from this, this can become the prime cause for decrease in the relationship between the parents and children. For instance, it has been observed many times that boys often argue back on their parents when they are punished. Thus, this result in to declining the bond between parents and children. moreover. this ways can be thought of rather beating them. Children can be thought about the same with love and kind gestures too. Which can ultimately help in building as well. Furthermore, when children are attracted like this learn and adopt what they see. Seeing parents or teacher treating them with severe. Punishment can make them to be aggressive and violent too. For example, in a survey it was found that 60 % of children adopt behavior of their parents and the surrounding. To conclude, giving children hard punishment can be detrimental as children may adopt aggressive behavior and it can cause decrease the bond between parents and children.
Nowadays, it has
been said
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would teach them the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and the reason of my disagreement have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in following paragraph. A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
asserts that corporal punishment is the approach to being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I disagree with this view. The reason of my this stance for my disagreement have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in following paragraph. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
does not seem to be a realistic approach to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
in them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
and foremost,
even though
it
is considered
as one of the ways for teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
at times. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, punishing adolescents with physical force may injure them and that can be detrimental for their physical health. Apart from this, this can become the prime cause for decrease in the relationship between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, it has
been observed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times that boys
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue back on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they
are punished
.
Thus
, this result in to declining the bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and children.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
.
Did you mean "these"?
this
ways can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of
rather
beating them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about the same with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and kind gestures too.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
can
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in building
as well
.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are attracted
like this learn and adopt what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. Seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or teacher treating them with severe. Punishment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to be aggressive and violent too.
For example
, in a survey it
was found
that 60 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
adopt behavior of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the surrounding.
To conclude
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
punishment can be detrimental as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may adopt aggressive behavior and it can cause decrease the bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children's

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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