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Some people though it shapes the individualism who think about their own wishes not think about other people. However, the others though it is essential for children to make a choice about something that can affect their life

Some people though it shapes the individualism who think about their own wishes not think about other people. However, the others though it is essential for children to make a choice about something that can affect their life lRN9D
It is clearly, today’s many parents allowing their children to make their own daily matters decision in their child early stage such as choose some food, clothes, and entertainment. Some people though it shapes the individualism who think about their own wishes not think about other people. However, the others though it is essential for children to make a choice about something that can affect their life. I would like to discuss both of view in this essay. In the first view, parents with easily allowing young age to make their own decision on their daily life can impacted to their behaviour as a personal like more individualism and selfish. For example, my collogue have this perception to their children, she always allow their children to choices what they want, simple thing is, food or meals and entertainment. As a result, that shape a behaviour of their children. They more selfish and childish, on the other words, they not bother with other people, careless. They have their own view and wishes without put a consideration to other people. It leads to a drawback to their life. Society not really enjoy and comfort play with such behaviour like this, particularly in my country. On the contrary, the second view, some of people agree that their children need to make their own decisions about matters that will be affected to them. For instance, how their children choice a clothes that can determine their talent or to show their creativity. Hence, it can determine their future goals and it will affect to the way of thinking and their behaviour in the future. In my own view, I keen on the first view due the fact children need some control or boundaries to shape their behaviour and logical thinking. Without restriction, as an emotional will impact significantly to be a selfish and uneasy going person. Furthermore, in the future they will much communicate with a society, without controlling that leads them to an awful person and separated from the community. This control need to apply on their daily basics in their early stage, how they chooce something need to be control, that something gonna harm their life or bring some beneficial for them. To sum up, the children who make their own decision more likely more selfish and individuals. In some children, that lead a harmful of themselves whereas the others believed that this important things that children must did it. But, without any control or boundaries that impact to their children social life.
It is
clearly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents allowing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
daily matters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
in their child early stage such as choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food, clothes, and entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "thought"?
though
it shapes the individualism who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wishes not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, the others though it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a choice about something that can affect their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. I would like to discuss both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
in this essay.

In the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, parents with
easily
allowing young age to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
on their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can impacted to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as a personal like more individualism and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selfish
.
For example
, my
Possible spelling mistake found.
collogue
have this perception to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, she always
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "allows", "allowed".
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choices what they want, simple thing is, food or meals and entertainment.
As a result
, that shape a
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selfish
and childish, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they not bother with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, careless. They have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
and wishes without put a consideration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It leads to a drawback to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Society not
really
enjoy and comfort play with such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
like this,
particularly
in my country.

On the contrary
, the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about matters that will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to them.
For instance
, how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choice
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a (clothes)" or simply "clothes"?
a clothes
that can determine their talent or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their creativity.
Hence
, it can determine their future goals and it will affect to the way of thinking and their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in the future.

In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, I keen on the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
due the fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
or boundaries to shape their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and logical thinking. Without restriction, as an emotional will impact
significantly
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selfish
and uneasy going person.
Furthermore
, in the future they will much communicate with a society, without controlling that leads them to an awful person and separated from the community. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to apply on their daily basics in their early stage, how they
Possible spelling mistake found.
chooce
something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
, that something
The word 'gonna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
gonna
harm their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial for them.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
more likely more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selfish
and individuals. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, that lead
The phrase 'a harmful of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a harmful of
themselves whereas the others believed that this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
did it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
or boundaries that impact to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Some people though it shapes the individualism who think about their own wishes not think about other people. However, the others though it is essential for children to make a choice about something that can affect their life

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
420 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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