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It has been suggested that high schools should offer financial rewards to students who have good attendance records and who maintain a high grade average. The reasoning is that high schools are central to preparing students for the real world. In the real world, jobs pay you. How do you feel about this? Be sure to support your opinion with reasons, examples and explanations.

It has been suggested that high schools should offer financial rewards to students who have good attendance records and who maintain a high grade average. The reasoning is that high schools are central to preparing students for the real world. In the real world, jobs pay you. How do you feel about this? Be sure to support your opinion with reasons, examples and explanations. 6Lnw0
The essay title proposes that students who have a high grade average at school should receive by should financial rewards. I agree with this proposal because, in my opinion, this reform can provide a great number of benefits. Firstly, as the essay title affirms, the possibility to have a little payment for the scholastic effort could motivate more students to concentrate on their study. In addition, this system could increase their sense of responsibility, because they must maintain a good average and to finish all their exams until the end of the school year. Furthermore, students could consider this financial reward like honour, and, if they are able to receive, they could feel very satisfied for their work and very confident of their self, whereas in the actual system, even if students take good score in their exams, they often don’t appreciate the value of this score and keep feeling not content of their self. The lack of just reward for work done in the current school system does not encourage young people to give their better. In addition, this type of financial reward could overcome some economic problems of some families. More families, in fact, often don’t have the possibility to pay the enter fees of one school, especially in the UK o in America in which school system is privatised, and for economic reasons don’t give their sons a chance to attend their favourite school. Nevertheless, thank to the system of financial rewords for good students, the young people could pay by their own their education and help their parents with the burdens. However, this system of financial rewords could have some disadvantages: for example, it could improve the competition among students, that sometimes could be insane and dangerous for well -being for young people, or this system could increase the stress among students, that could live their school years no longer with carefreeness, but with a heavy responsibility. In conclusion, I believe that the offer of financial rewards for good students could be a great initiative that provide to increase the motivation and concentration among students and could help the poorer families, however teachers should ensure that this system does not become to much challenging and unsustainable for the mental health of young people.
The essay title proposes that
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students
who have a high grade average at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should receive by should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this proposal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in my opinion, this reform can provide a great number of benefits.

Firstly
, as the essay title affirms, the possibility to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
payment for the scholastic effort could motivate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to concentrate on their study.
In addition
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
could increase their sense of responsibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
average and to finish all their exams until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
year.
Furthermore
,
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students
could consider this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
like
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
, and, if they are able to receive, they could feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
satisfied for their work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
confident of their self, whereas in the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
score in their exams, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
don’t appreciate the value of this score and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
feeling not content of their self. The lack of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
for work done in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
does not encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give their better.

In addition
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
could overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economic problems of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families. More families, in fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
don’t have the possibility to pay
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'enter' is correct. If 'enter' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the enter
fees of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
especially
in the UK o in America in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'privatised' is British English.
privatised
, and for economic reasons don’t give their sons a chance to attend their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Nevertheless
, thank to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
rewords for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could pay by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents with the burdens.

However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
rewords could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages:
for example
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
could be insane and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for well -being for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, or this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
could increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years no longer with
Possible spelling mistake found.
carefreeness
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with a heavy responsibility.

In conclusion
, I believe that the offer of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could be a great initiative that provide to increase the motivation and concentration among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poorer families,
however
teachers should ensure that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
does not become
Did you mean "too"?
to
much challenging and unsustainable for the mental health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay It has been suggested that high schools should offer financial rewards to students who have good attendance records and who maintain a high grade average. The reasoning is that high schools are central to preparing students for the real world. In the real world, jobs pay you. How do you feel about this? Be sure to support your opinion with reasons, examples and explanations.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
377 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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