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Some people think we need to give aid to all poor countries. Others, however, argue that we should not give international aid to countries with corruption in their system. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion.

Some people think we need to give aid to all poor countries. Others, however, argue that we should not give international aid to countries with corruption in their system. OVGGd
Giving aid to others is a sign of humanity, but now-a-days people makes various argument about international aid. Many people think that aid should given to poor countries whereas others view is aid should not give those countries, which are belongs in a corrupted system. Both view of this topic will be analysed below, although a number of arguments surround my opinion, I personally side with the former view. Many countries especially economically week Nations are suffering with various types of problem. People of this countries doing struggle only for maintain their basic needs like food, education, sanitation etc. There are a lot of countries across the world, which are dependent on international funding. By the support of donations they run their education system, health system and others basic needs. Some countries going to overcome their poverty by getting aid, also they increased their economic condition. Besides many poor people get chance to become educated, some are get cure from diseases. Poor countries need others help to grow up, if they do not get support from international aid they absorb by poverty day day. By the grace of several international organisations and rich countries, till now they can continue their fight against poverty and for the future. On the other hand, some poor countries are destroyed with corruption. Only for begin corruption they forward to the road of poverty day to day. The high officials of this countries are waiting for International aid and they grab whole the amount. By the name of development many NGO and developing organisation taking fund from various aid agency and grab the amount only for their self development. Whereas poor people's are getting deprived from their right. Moreover collecting fund or aid from welfare nations is one type of business for the corrupted people. It is also a international group who consume the aid. To sum up, it is undeniable that, although there have some corrupted countries missuse international funds by some people, but majority of poor nation need International aid for their live and livelihood. It is important for the people who living under poverty line and also for the nations which are continue their struggle to stand against many barriers.
Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to others is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of humanity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
makes
various argument about
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
should
Did you mean "have given" or "give"?
given
to
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poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
whereas others view is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
should not give those
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countries
, which are belongs in a corrupted system. Both view of this topic will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
below, although a number of arguments surround my opinion, I
personally
side with the former view.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
especially
economically
week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
are suffering with various types of problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
doing struggle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for maintain their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
like food, education, sanitation etc. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
across the world, which are dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
funding. By the support of donations they run their education system, health system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
going to overcome their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
by getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
,
also
they increased their economic condition.
Besides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to become educated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
The usual collocation for "cure" is "of" not "". Did you mean "cure of"?
cure from
diseases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to grow up, if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
they absorb by
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poverty
Possible typo: you repeated a word
day day
. By the grace of several
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international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and rich
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countries
, till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they can continue their fight against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and for the future.

On the
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other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
with corruption.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
corruption they forward to the road of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
day to day. The high officials of
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are waiting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
aid and
they grab whole the amount. By the name of development
Possible agreement error. The noun NGO seems to be countable; consider using: "many NGOs".
many NGO
and developing
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
taking fund from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
agency and grab the amount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their self development.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's are getting
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
their right.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
collecting fund or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
from welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is one type of business for the corrupted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
also
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
group who consume the aid.

To sum up, it is undeniable that, although there have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
corrupted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Possible spelling mistake found.
missuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
funds by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and livelihood. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who living under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
line and
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
which are
Consider using a past participle here: "continued".
continue
their struggle to stand against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
barriers.
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IELTS essay Some people think we need to give aid to all poor countries. Others, however, argue that we should not give international aid to countries with corruption in their system.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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