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Some people think watching TV is bad for children, while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children. Which view do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

Some people think watching TV is bad for children, while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children. Which view do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience kWj9N
In these days, the growing up of technology makes children become closer with television. Following that, some people are afraid of terrible effects of television for children. However, I think the benefit of television is more than that. First of all, television helps children grow up their creativity. They watch a lot of colorful program or learn interesting knowledge and these motivate them in wanting to create something new like painting their favorite characters or search for some information about what they like. Perhaps they will find out their talent in those activities and it can help them in the future. Next, children’s knowledge can be expanded so much just by watching TV. For instance, children can learn about how trees grow up without having to go outside to observe for a long time. It is convenient for children as TV has so many kinds of program so they can find everything they want or love. Finally, TV brings a lot of fun to children. Nowadays, so many parents are too busy with their jobs so they can not spending time with their children frequently. In this case, children can watch cartoon or listen to music if they feel lonely. Entertainment is one of the most vital parts since children should have a good environment to develop. In conclusion watching TV still exists some bad effects but we can deny those wonderful benefits of TV. Parents should let children watch TV reasonably
In these days, the growing up of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become closer with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Following that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are afraid of terrible effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is more than that.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up their creativity. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
colorful program or learn interesting knowledge and these motivate them in wanting to create something new like painting their favorite characters or search for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about what they like. Perhaps they will find out their talent in those activities and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future.

Next
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
knowledge can
be expanded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by watching TV.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn about how trees grow up without having to go outside to observe for a long time. It is convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as TV has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of program
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can find everything they want or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

Finally
, TV brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fun to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents are too busy with their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can not
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spending
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
frequently
.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoon or listen to music if they feel lonely. Entertainment is one of the most vital parts since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment to develop.

In conclusion
watching TV
still
exists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can deny those wonderful benefits of TV. Parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
reasonably
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IELTS essay Some people think watching TV is bad for children, while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children. Which view do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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