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Some people think watching TV and films makes children more creative. Others think that it can actually lower their creativity. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think watching TV and films makes children more creative. Others think that it can actually lower their creativity. Discuss both views and give your opinion 0P3q
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of people believing that watching television and movies makes children more creative. There is a widespread worry that this will only lead a myriad of concerns in one's life. However, I do not entirely accept this and I will explain why in this essay. There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant one is that visual activity can not only contribute to making children life more colourful but also lead to numerous other benefits in various field. For instance, tv access can give new ideas or world wide knowledge, which is very helpful in studies or in daily life. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only can one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they also enhance the productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand one in good stead, as far as augmenting their chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned. There are, however, some pitfalls that can easily overwhelm the potential benefits of watching movies and tv. The primary one stems from the fact that by observing the aforementioned trend, people have not only realised its gravity, but also gauged the magnitude of its repercussions when it comes to today's ever-changing life style. Besides, its impact on children mind is far-reaching indeed. Hence, it is apparent why many are against children visual acitivity. In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that despite some drawbacks, the benefits of watching television are indeed too great to ignore.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believing that watching television and movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more creative. There is a widespread worry that this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
lead a myriad of concerns in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, I do not
entirely
accept this and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

There are a number of arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance. The most preponderant one is that visual activity can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
contribute to making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lead to numerous other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
in various field.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
access can give new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or
Did you mean "worldwide"?
world wide
knowledge, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful in studies or in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
can one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
more when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to being effective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
enhance the productivity and quality of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, with much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
, efficacy and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand one in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead, as far as augmenting their chances of prosperity and excellence
is concerned
.

There are,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls that can
easily
overwhelm the potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of watching movies and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
. The primary one stems from the fact that by observing the aforementioned trend,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
its gravity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gauged the magnitude of its repercussions when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's ever-changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
Besides
, its impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mind is far-reaching
indeed
.
Hence
, it is apparent why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
visual
Possible spelling mistake found.
acitivity
.

In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of watching television are
indeed
too great to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
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IELTS essay Some people think watching TV and films makes children more creative. Others think that it can actually lower their creativity. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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