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Some people think universities should admit only the young students who score high marks. Other people say that both young and adults should be admitted even if they did not pass their exam. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think universities should admit only the young students who score high marks. Other people say that both young and adults should be admitted even if they did not pass their exam. v. 1
It has been a debatable topic on whether the public sector should renovate the old buildings or should use the public funds for the development of new infrastructure and roads. I completely agree with the latter because it would help in the overall development of the nation. One the one side, there are some merits on spending public funds being spent on the restoration of old buildings. Firstly, these buildings could be of high importance. Some of the monuments depict the culture of the city, and are a million of years old. For this reason it would be important to restore these buildings. In addition, some of these buildings serve as a tourist destination. For these reasons the government funds would be needed to restore these buildings. One the other side, for a developing country, it is more crucial for the ministry to spend money on other public services as till would help in improving the growth of the economy. There have been a huge development in the area of science and technology. This means, that the ministry can adapt to new technologies to build new buildings, which would have better recreational facilities making it more beneficial for the public. Furthermore, the money spent on building the roads will help with people commuting more efficiently. To illustrate, my city has a huge amount of potholes, which makes road travel more inconvenient for individuals, by the government investing in the repair of the roads, could make the travel an ease for all public. These steps could help in improving the standard of living for its citizens. To conclude, the restoration of old buildings does have its merits as it depicts the culture and heritage of the country. However, the government should first prioritise and building better infrastructure and roads in the overall development of the country.
It has been a debatable topic on whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
sector should renovate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
or should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of new infrastructure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the nation.

One the one side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits on spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
funds
being spent
on the restoration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
could be of high importance.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
monuments depict the culture of the city, and are a million of years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
For this reason
it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to restore these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
serve as a tourist destination. For these reasons the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funds would
be needed
to restore these buildings.

One the other side, for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
, it is more crucial for the ministry to spend money on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services as till would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in improving the growth of the economy. There have been a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in the area of science and technology. This means, that the ministry can adapt to new technologies to build new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, which would have better recreational facilities making it more beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
Furthermore
, the money spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commuting more
efficiently
. To illustrate, my city has a huge amount of potholes, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
travel more inconvenient for individuals, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
investing in the repair of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the travel an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. These steps could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in improving the standard of living for its citizens.

To conclude
, the restoration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
does have its merits as it depicts the culture and heritage of the country.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
first
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
better infrastructure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
in the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people think universities should admit only the young students who score high marks. Other people say that both young and adults should be admitted even if they did not pass their exam. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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