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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. EbL3
Many people have a strong concept that social works should be carried out by our youngsters without taking money in their leisure time which is beneficial for new generation and society too. My opinion is in the opposite direction and I will explain in details with some examples. Generally speaking, today’s youth will make a tomorrow’s future and everyone is agree with this point. There are two main reasons I am going to discuss that why children should not do honorary work. Firstly, in the long run, their interest cannot be maintained by working without money nor they will perform their assigned tasks with good quality. For example, if they are assigning on some municipal work, there are more chances to do this assigned work with enthusiasm on initial stage but after few days they will lose their passion as they are not earning anything. So we need to think about consistency for a long term basis by which we can retain their willingness. Secondly, community work should be the responsibility of adult residents and they should initiate to start work as this concept will teach our youth to acceptance of responsibility at any level. To illustrate, when children will observe that their elders are performing all public work by themselves to maintain the clean or up-to-date so they will learn to contribute their part with their adults even they become adults and they will teach the same things to their upcoming generation too. Moreover, many youngsters belong to either poor or white-collar family. If will assign societal work to them with some paid amount so it will turn into many advantages such as financial support as well as we can preserve their interest for the social betterment, and community activities can be carryon without interruption. In conclusion, society work should be carryon by the occupant in their free time. Community is the responsibility of both, current adults and a new generation. Our young population should be involved in social work and we need to pay some incentives as appreciation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a strong concept that social works should
be carried
out by our youngsters without taking money in their leisure time which is beneficial for new generation and society too. My opinion is in the opposite direction and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

Generally
speaking,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s youth will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a tomorrow’s future and everyone is
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this point. There are two main reasons I am going to discuss that why children should not do honorary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Firstly
, in the long run, their interest cannot
be maintained
by working without
Use a comma before 'nor' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money nor
they will perform their assigned tasks with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality.
For example
, if they are assigning on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
municipal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, there are more chances to do this assigned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with enthusiasm on initial stage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after few days they will lose their passion as they are not earning anything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about consistency for a long term basis by which we can retain their willingness.

Secondly
, community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be the responsibility of adult
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
residents and
they should initiate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as this concept will teach our youth to acceptance of responsibility at any level. To illustrate, when children will observe that their elders are performing all public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by themselves to maintain the clean or up-to-date
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will learn to contribute their part with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
even they become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
adults and
they will teach the same things to their upcoming generation too.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters belong to either poor or white-collar family. If
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will assign
societal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
paid amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will turn into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages such as financial support
as well
as we can preserve their interest for the social betterment, and community activities can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
carryon
without interruption.

In conclusion
, society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
carryon
by the occupant in their free time. Community is the responsibility of both,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and a new generation. Our young population should
be involved
in social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
we need to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incentives as appreciation.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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