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some people think the internet provides people with a lot of information, while others think access to so much information creates problems. which view do you agree with? use details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

some people think the internet provides people with a lot of information, while others think access to so much information creates problems. which view do you agree with? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
The used clothing industry is booming all around the world by leaps and bounds. It is thought by many that in recent times the trend of purchasing resoled clothes is becoming ubiquitous among young masses. This essay will argue that out of numerous the primary reason for this phenomenon is cost-effectiveness. However, I would suggest that this is an unwelcome development because of health risks. The major cause of the staggering increase is affordability, because of reduced cost. This is to say that people resale their clothes which are in good condition, and young people find it more convenient to buy because they do not have to spend a hefty amount of their pocket-money on their attire. Younger generations are mostly students or part-time workers; they have a tight monetary budget to spend on first-hand clothes. Hence, it is more appropriate for them to opt for this way to save money. For example, a recent survey report stated that 70% of young shoppers prioritize to visit the second-hand market for their shopping to save money. On the other hand, it is considered as an appalling development because of the high risk of catching infectious diseases from these clothing. In other words, a costume worn by a person who has some serious infectious disease, the risk of transfer of bacteria from one person to another through these clothes increased by tenfold. In addition, due to a lack of awareness about disinfecting techniques among users, there is a high threat of acquiring a contagious ailment. For example, recent research conducted by biologists on clothes imported from different countries stated that 30% of the dresses contain resistant bacteria, which can cause several serious illnesses such as, contact dermatitis, Tuberculosis and many more. To conclude, Second-hand clothes are inexpensive as compare to the brand new which is the main reason of preference by the younger generation. However, it is not acceptable to jeopardize our lives because of the stigma of health issues stringed with them. It is recommended that the government should subsidize the clothing industry to lower the prices of new clothes so that the young generation could afford and save their lives.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
clothing industry is booming all around the world by leaps and bounds. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that in recent times the trend of purchasing resoled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is becoming ubiquitous among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
masses. This essay will argue that out of numerous the primary reason for this phenomenon
is cost
-effectiveness.
However
, I would suggest that this is an unwelcome development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

The major cause of the staggering increase is affordability,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
cost. This is to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
resale their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
which are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it more convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a hefty amount of their pocket-money on their attire. Younger generations are
mostly
students or part-time workers; they have a tight monetary budget to spend on
first
-hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
Hence
, it is more appropriate for them to opt for this way to save money.
For example
, a recent survey report stated that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
shoppers prioritize to visit the second-hand market for their shopping to save money.

On the other hand
, it
is considered
as an appalling development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of catching infectious diseases from these clothing.
In other words
, a costume worn by a person who has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious infectious disease, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of transfer of bacteria from one person to another through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
increased by tenfold.
In addition
, due to a lack of awareness about disinfecting techniques among users, there is a high threat of acquiring a contagious ailment.
For example
, recent research conducted by biologists on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
imported from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries stated that 30% of the dresses contain resistant bacteria, which can cause several serious illnesses such as, contact dermatitis, Tuberculosis and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

To conclude
, Second-hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are inexpensive as compare to the brand new which is the main reason of preference by the younger generation.
However
, it is not acceptable to jeopardize our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the stigma of health issues stringed with them. It
is recommended
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should subsidize the clothing industry to lower the prices of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation could afford and save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think the internet provides people with a lot of information, while others think access to so much information creates problems. which view do you agree with? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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