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some people think the increasing business and culture contact between countries bring many positive developments. Others say that it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some people think the increasing business and culture contact between countries bring many positive developments. Others say that it causes the loss of national identities. v. 1
Sleep is as important to humans as food and water. The Human body needs at least 7 hours of sleep for proper brain functioning and cell rejuvenation. While sleeping is important to us, many of us tend to avoid it due to many reasons. My essay explains the reasons why we neglect rest and how it affects our day-to-day functioning, in turn affecting our society. To begin with, there are many causes of sleep deprivation, some including everyday stress, psychological factors, noise pollution, and eating habits. According to me, the three most important factors that affect everyday sleep are social media, noise pollution, and absence of work-life balance. These days most of our kind are way much reliant on social media that we tend to give more importance to our SM foot print than to our everyday lifestyle. Another factor includes noise pollution. Because of increase in motor vehicles and other mechanised objects, humans are distracted heavily by the sound they create. Other factors that adversely affect our sleep is our lack of work balance. Everyone wants success in their lives, but should it be at risk of health consequences? No, says the research. According to research conducted, more than 20% of patients suffering from insomnia are due to lack of work life balance, . Furthermore, these sleep deprivation has adverse affects not just us, but also on our immediate family, friends, and people with whom we interact on a day to day basis. People who lack enough sleep tend to isolate others, thus leading to decrease in productivity, and human compassion. In conclusion, people should consider sleep as an important part of life. It helps us think better, decreases stress, thus helps us maintain good proportion between time spend on work and life. A good sleep always helps us increase better understanding of our surroundings and helps us concentrate more.
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Sleep
is as
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important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
as food and water. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
body needs at least 7 hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
for proper brain functioning and cell rejuvenation. While sleeping is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us tend to avoid it due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. My essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the reasons why we neglect rest and how it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affects
our day-to-day functioning, in turn affecting our society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes of
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sleep
deprivation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
including everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, noise pollution, and eating habits.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, the three most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
are social media, noise pollution, and absence of work-life balance. These days most of our kind are way much reliant on social media that we tend to give more importance to our SM foot print than to our everyday lifestyle. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
includes noise pollution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of increase in motor vehicles and other
Possible spelling mistake. 'mechanised' is British English.
mechanised
objects,
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humans
are distracted
heavily
by the sound they create.

Other
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factors
that
adversely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is our lack of work balance. Everyone wants success in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should it be at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of health consequences? No, says the research. According to research conducted, more than 20% of patients suffering from insomnia are due to lack of
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .


Furthermore
, these
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sleep
deprivation has adverse
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affects
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on our immediate family, friends, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with whom we interact on a
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
basis.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who lack
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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sleep
tend to isolate others,
thus
leading to decrease in productivity, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
compassion.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part of life. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
better, decreases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
proportion between time spend on work and life. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us increase better understanding of our surroundings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us concentrate more.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think the increasing business and culture contact between countries bring many positive developments. Others say that it causes the loss of national identities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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