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Some people think the government should spend more money on public service rather than waste money on arts (music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the government should spend more money on public service rather than waste money on arts (music and painting). GwE3j
Opinions are divided on whether government should allocate their national budget into public developments or arts such as music and painting. In my perspective, both of them are equally pivotal in many factors of our life. The reason why public service should be invested is that it apparently has an influence on the standard of living. To be specific, when government spend their national budget on upgrading facilities or infrastructure, residents may have an opportunity to approach the most cutting-edge technology. For example, for educational purposes, writing on the board is gradually replaced by modern projects, which is saving time and also engender more vivid lessons for both students and teachers. Besides, throughout this valuable investment, people are motivated to get out of sedentary lifestyle by hanging out more regularly and have a balance life. By this way, their health will be improved, leading to a healthy community and a decrease in patient. Admitting the crucial role of advanced public service, it is by no means that government should not allocate money into arts. It is because spending state budget on movie or music industry may generate profits for the country through different aspects. For instance, given the high-qualified music video and also worthy investments in movies, Korea, a magnet for tourists in the world, annually attracts an incessant flow of visitors. As a result, they have a chance to advertise their culture for others and develop the tourism industry. In addition, arts play an important role on preserving national identity and cultural values. For example, in Vietnam, folk music is still maintained and listened by some particular audiences because the government sometimes organize music concerts and broadcast traditional program on television. Therefore, if they ignore the presence of arts, residents may gradually forget their distinct traditions, which is especially true during the time when teenagers and young adults could be easily exposed to foreign culture. In conclusion, while the public service brings residents a high standard of living, aesthetic values should not be overlooked. I believes that the government and citizens should join hands together for not only the better life but preserved national identity as well.
Opinions
are divided
on whether
government
should allocate their
national
budget into
public
developments or
arts
such as
music
and painting. In my perspective, both of them are
equally
pivotal in
many
factors of our life.

The reason why
public
service should
be invested
is that it
apparently
has an influence on the standard of living. To be specific, when
government
spend their
national
budget on upgrading facilities or infrastructure, residents may have an opportunity to approach the most cutting-edge technology.
For example
, for educational purposes, writing on the board is
gradually
replaced by modern projects, which is saving time and
also
engender more vivid lessons for both students and teachers.
Besides
, throughout this valuable investment,
people
are motivated
to
get
out of sedentary lifestyle by hanging out more
regularly
and have a balance life. By this way, their health will be
improved
, leading to a healthy community and a decrease in patient.

Admitting the crucial role of advanced
public
service, it is by no means that
government
should not allocate money into
arts
. It is
because
spending state budget on movie or
music
industry may generate profits for the country through
different
aspects.
For instance
,
given
the high-qualified
music
video and
also
worthy investments in movies, Korea, a magnet for tourists in the world,
annually
attracts an incessant flow of visitors.
As a result
, they have a chance to advertise their culture for others and develop the tourism industry.
In addition
,
arts
play an
important
role on preserving
national
identity and cultural values.
For example
, in Vietnam, folk
music
is
still
maintained and listened by
some
particular audiences
because
the
government
sometimes
organize
music
concerts and broadcast traditional program on television.
Therefore
, if they
ignore
the presence of
arts
, residents may
gradually
forget their distinct traditions, which is
especially
true during the time when
teenagers
and young adults could be
easily
exposed to foreign culture.

In conclusion
, while the
public
service brings residents a high standard of living, aesthetic values should not
be overlooked
. I
believes
that the
government
and citizens should
join
hands together for not
only
the better life
but
preserved
national
identity
as well
.
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IELTS essay Some people think the government should spend more money on public service rather than waste money on arts (music and painting).

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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