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Some people think the government founding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population anf the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion? v.1

Some people think the government founding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population anf the culture. v. 1
There is an opinion that the government should provide financial support for art and culture while others believe another different issues exist to be funded. This essay will show the importance of art and culture also social problems should be considered into an attention. The role of art and culture is significant among the nation. Firstly, they take the main role in bringing up the population. Thanks to music, literature, folklore we pass our traditional value from generation to generation developing patriotic, spiritual, family value. Moreover, via art and culture each country represents itself to other countries and has opportunities to be well known. For example, Korean bands are very popular among young people in Kazakhstan and many teenagers are eager to study Korean language or visit this country. Thus, it makes us clear why the government should support art and culture. However, other important social problems exist which have to be solved by the authorities. As the number of population is increasing, more schools, kindergartens, hospitals should be built for the population. Furthermore, the government should support with financial security the poor, many children, families in order they could live in comfort without debts. What's more make educational institutions and medicine free for population. For instance, families who have many children cannot afford to send their children to higher educational institutions which can lead the nation to illiteracy. Therefore, social problems are more significant. In conclusion, cultural activities play an essential role among the nation and should be supported by the government, although different social problems should not be forgotten and taken into consideration.
There is an opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
while others believe another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues exist to
be funded
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
should
be considered
into an attention.

The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is significant among the nation.
Firstly
, they take the main role in bringing up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. Thanks to music, literature, folklore we pass our traditional value from generation to generation developing patriotic, spiritual, family value.
Moreover
, via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
each country represents itself to other countries and has opportunities to be well known.
For example
, Korean bands are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Kazakhstan and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are eager to study Korean language or visit this country.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture.

However
, other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
exist which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be solved
by the authorities. As the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is increasing, more schools, kindergartens, hospitals should
be built
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should support with financial security the poor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children, families in order they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in comfort without debts. What's more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
educational institutions and medicine free for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
For instance
, families who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to higher educational institutions which can lead the nation to illiteracy.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are more significant.

In conclusion
, cultural activities play an essential role among the nation and should
be supported
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
should not
be forgotten
and taken into consideration.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the government founding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population anf the culture. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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