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Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems. v.9

Overpopulation- one of the relevant problems of humanity on twenty first century. After industrialization era number of citizens in urban areas increased rapidly and large mass of people migrated to agglomerations in search of good life. This caused to creation of megapolises. Concentration of millions on one place, use of nature resources, water and food had a catastrophic influence on the environment. After new great achievements of medicine, and improving of life quality the growth of population has boomed. Overpopulation caused a number of problems such as pollution of air, pollution of water reservoirs, destroying of local ecosystems. The main reasons to formation of this list of problems is contribution of energy resources in big volumes, availability to have private auto to every person and uneconomical use of water. The consequences are terrible. In last 50 years number of woodlands in our planet declined two times. Concentration of greenhouse gasses in atmosphere is doubled. According to UN 848 million people around the world has a lack of clean water. The main solution of this problems is including the environmentally friendly trend into society. Use of filters on factories and developing of public transport instead of private cars. If every citizen will care nature and will support and use environmentally friendly items such as electromobile or bioplastic and use water carefully in daily life then it will have positive effect on the surrounding and will decrease the pollution level. Improving of public transport will decline the number of people who prefer private transport. This means decreasing of automobiles and greenhouses gasses in atmosphere. Tokyo, after using this way, can be a great example of modern megapolis without ecological problems. In conclusion, despite the volume of the problems, humanity can change the current situation and control the main reasons of it. I would recommend to start from including garbage recycle system.
Overpopulation- one of the relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of humanity on twenty
first
century. After industrialization era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of citizens in urban areas increased
rapidly
and large mass of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migrated to agglomerations in search of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life. This caused to creation of
Possible spelling mistake found.
megapolises
. Concentration of millions on one place,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of nature resources,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and food had a catastrophic influence on the environment. After new great achievements of medicine, and improving of life quality the growth of population has boomed.

Overpopulation caused a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as pollution of air, pollution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
reservoirs, destroying of local ecosystems. The main reasons to formation of this list of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is contribution of energy resources in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
volumes, availability to have private auto to every person and uneconomical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. The consequences are terrible. In last 50 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of woodlands in our planet declined two times. Concentration of greenhouse gasses in atmosphere
is doubled
. According to UN 848 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world has a lack of clean water.

The main solution of
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is including the
environmentally
friendly trend into society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
of filters on factories and developing of public transport
instead
of private cars. If every citizen
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will care
nature and will support and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
environmentally
friendly items such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
electromobile
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
bioplastic
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
carefully
in daily life then it will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the surrounding and will decrease the pollution level. Improving of public transport will decline the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who prefer private transport. This means decreasing of automobiles and greenhouses gasses in atmosphere. Tokyo, after using this way, can be a great example of modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
megapolis
without ecological problems.

In conclusion
, despite the volume of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, humanity can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation and control the main reasons of it. I would recommend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from including garbage recycle system.
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Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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