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Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. dmn2
Presence of zoos has frequently sparked controversy among general public, debating upon a single topic that whether zoos are too cruel for animals or they are a medium for their protection. Difference between people has made them to view their own opinions from different angles creating these two sides. One side of the population argues that the zoos are too cruel for animals to exist. The core reason for this statement is, animals are free-spirited beings which relies and remains content in their natural habitat unlike those artificially created settlement that zoos prepare for the animals which is not their natural habitat because they are given very little space to move around. This results to hindrance to their growth and diminishing natural instinct. For instance, investigation records that, a tiger that has been brought up inside zoos cage for its whole life are relatively weaker and cannot adapt properly in an unknown territory in wild to survive in the wild inevitably, leading to its demise. Whereas, remaining people participating in this heated discussion states that zoo is acting as a protection area for wild animals. The underlying cause arousing this saying is the tightly guarded zoos. This is because, zoos are very precious and the animals contained inside even more because of which, many security measures are kept in place to ensure their security especially; endangered wild animals. To illustrate, Red Panda which was listed in endangered animals list back in 2017 A. D. , is soon to be erased from the list as government has been able to successfully breed them rapidly increasing its number up to astonishing 50, 000 with the help of zoo. To conclude, none of the sides outbalance each other in any aspects however, in my opinion, even for providing protection, more friendly ways must be executed then only, zoos can be more of a savior than prison for animals.
Presence of zoos has
frequently
sparked controversy among
Consider using "public".
general public
, debating upon a single topic that whether zoos are too cruel for
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
animals or
they are a medium for their protection. Difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
made them to view their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angles creating these two sides.

One side of the population argues that the zoos are too cruel for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to exist. The core reason for this statement is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are free-spirited beings which
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "relies on".
relies
and remains content in their natural habitat unlike those
artificially
created settlement that zoos prepare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which is not their natural habitat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around. This results to hindrance to their growth and diminishing natural instinct.
For instance
, investigation records that, a tiger that has
been brought
up inside zoos cage for its whole life are
relatively
weaker and cannot adapt
properly
in an unknown territory in wild to survive in the wild
inevitably
, leading to its demise.

Whereas, remaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
participating in this heated discussion states that zoo is acting as a protection area for wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. The underlying cause arousing this saying is the
tightly
guarded zoos. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, zoos are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
precious and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
contained inside even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
security measures are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in place to ensure their security
especially
; endangered wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. To illustrate, Red Panda which
was listed
in endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
list back in 2017 A. D.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
to
be erased
from the list as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has been able to
successfully
breed them
rapidly
increasing its number up to astonishing 50, 000 with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of zoo.

To conclude
, none of the sides outbalance each other in any aspects
however
, in my opinion, even for providing protection, more friendly ways
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be executed
Did you mean "than"?
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, zoos can be more of a savior than prison for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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